I lost my husband, my college sweetheart, the father of my children, the person I intended to grow old with to suicide in January 2013 after 20 years together, 15 years married and two kids under 10. I had visited YWBB periodically to read stories from survivors that share a common ground; however I had never felt comfortable sharing my thoughts online until now.
My husband suffered from bouts of depression throughout his life and had a problem with alcohol. The depression became drastically worse when he sought help from a psychiatrist and became addicted to prescription medication (not a good combination with alcohol addiction). He was a good husband and father for the most part. I always thought we had a good marriage, but I now feel I don?t even have the right to say that. In some ways, I have moved on?mainly literally, I moved to a new house to get a fresh start. I thought about dating a year ago, but never pursued anything. Now, I have lost all desire to date. I can?t even fathom having the energy to do that while trying to raise my kids. It would be nice to catch a movie once in while with a friend or something, but I find myself isolated?perhaps by my own doing. I feel as though I am surrounded by traditional families, which makes me miss my old life. I have gone past the profound grief stage, and now just find myself lonely.
I strive each day to find peace with what happened and the world. I?ve made some progress, but I?m still a long way from there. I really appreciate the moderators for establishing this site so we can share stories with others of similar experience. Thanks for listening.
