ForeverChanged

I don't have a lot of advice that others haven't already given, but your comment about trying to keep busy struck me.  I just hit 10 yrs on 4/10.  I think to the outside world I am "doing great".  I am even happily remarried.  But I can tell you I still have difficult times sometimes.  This month with the 10 year mark was incredibly hard. 

I am struggling tremendously with anxiety right now, and I think I might also be depressed. No, that's not accurate.  I know I am.  I think I probably have had issues with it for the last 10+ yrs but I spent the entire time focused & worrying about making sure my kids were ok, telling myself if they were ok I would be ok.  Pretending I was ok, because everyone thought I should be after a couple yrs. Looking back I should have seen someone to get help. Then I met a good man and it was a whirlwind few yrs moving & blending and again I was so busy that I think a lot of that "stuff" got pushed down again.

I've had 2 panic attacks the last couple of months and I've never had them in my life.  I didn't even know what they were until after the 2nd one.  The blending thing with his adult kids is NOT great, they don't really like me, NH is laid off again, & my daughter is struggling again with extreme depression/anxiety of her own which makes mine pale in comparison. She has struggled SO much since her dad died..she had bulimia too.   I am on overload and keeping busy for me just doesn't work anymore.  I think it's finally time for me to actually say the words to a doctor and probably get some meds.  I have an appt in 2 wks. I do exercise (zumba), I do have a support system of a few close friends I can talk to.  It's not working for me anymore. 

Ppl posted some good advice, I hope you can find some relief soon.  Hugs to you.  <3 

It was 10 yrs for me on 4/10 which was really hard for me, and the 31st anniv of our first date (we were only 16), on 4/20.  I am also remarried now, for almost 3 yrs.

The Prince thing hit me incredibly hard.  "Purple Rain" was the very first gift I ever bought DH, when we were 16.  I cried so much that day I heard he died, and on the way home when a station played a medley of his tunes I literally bawled the entire time in my car alone. So much sentimental stuff there.  It's been a really hard month.

Hugs.