widowhoodsucks

Hi all, Long time no post. But like a good neighbor. This place is always here. Thank god. Its so good to see some familiar faces... and so sad to see the new ones. To those new, welcome to the club no one wanted to join and so sorry for your losses. Back drop...I lost Rob 8 1/2 years ago coming up on the 14th. Aml took him in 31 days from dx to death. I was 3 months pregnant. Our 3 1\2 yo at home and 2 older step kids out in Arizona. My boy born, Rob's son was born 6 months later. He'll be 8 in July. He's been asking questions. He does not know about Rob. He knows of Rob, but that he is family....not his dad. My fiancé has been in my sons life since he was 8 months old. He knows he is his step dad. Today he asked if he was adopted.... I said no...I was his bio mom. He talked about our family and brought Rob up in the family sense. Its time to tell him the truth and I'm falling to pieces. It never was intended to keep it a secret...it just never came up. I'm not ready. He lost his grandpa this past December. I know its the right thing...I just can't break his heart. I will be watching him lose his dad for the first time...... I hope I have the strength for this. We are doing it when he gets out of school for the summer in 2 weeks. 2 weeks of torture for me... Now i am gonna lose Rob all over again...I'm not ready for this.....

I have his ashes in a mini urn on a shelf in my room, I have a ziploc bag full in my drawer. It doesn't bother me this far out (8 years). To be honest it really never did bother me. I guess it was my way of saying he was home. He really is everywhere, his sister and dad have a small urn, part of him is in a cemetery too, and part in the Atlantic that my buddy Grower and some other awesome wids from here helped me do. Do what is best for you. And know over time feelings may change and thats ok.

hugs

yep empty shell

(((((HUGS)))))

I'm half the woman I used to be. And though by all appearances I look like I have "moved" on and started chapter two and am whole, the truth is I will never be happy and I use a facade to "fake" it. At soon to be 7 years..... I am pretending to be happy...... Fuck and the cold truth of it is..... it will probably always be that way. This is fact. I have accepted mediocre. That is what that fucker left me when he died. That was my eternal gift from him. And I will always hate him a little for leaving me. Always. And I will always be angry a little bit, for the angry, mediocrity fact of life. FUCK I hate widowhood.

He will hear it from me. I have an incredibly small circle, the small circle is very aware of my decision and will not tell. But I don't think at 6 he is ready for this. Last week we were talking about our cat that died last year. He asked if I was gonna die, I told him one day, but hopefully no time soon. The kid had a meltdown at the thought of me gone. Sigh.... there is no good time. But now is certainly not it. Nor will my family bully me into it. Thank you all for your responses.

thank you for your reply, when the time comes, there is a childrens group in Mi, that is wonderful. My eldest attended for years till she was ready to stop. I want him to know his dad too, but there has never been an opportune time. It would of been different if any of the inlaws were around but they are not. I do think my BF has been instrumental in him not even asking, but one day he will. There is no playbook when it comes to this shit is there.

Hi some of you know me from the old board. Finally migrated over here. I am 6 1/2 years out now and was 4 months pregnant with my boy when he passed. I have never told my boy about his dad. He is 6 now. Dads family has not been around since he was 6 months old. They all took a hike. My bf has been in the picture for 5 years, he is all my son knows. He calls him Dom not dad. Recently my mother had told my oldest daughter (10) that she and her therapist feel I am wrong for not telling him. First of all, its your therapist and your there for a reason, don't discuss me and my decisions when they don't affect you directly. Second it is highly inappropriate to discuss this with my 10 yr old, Third its my life my decision. When my child asks, he will know then, I wont lie to him, At one point he will ask. Others that have walked the path....... what did you do? Thanks in advance.