Hi. Not quite sure where to start. I just found this site and read through several posts, and it seems like it might be pretty helpful for me. I lost my wife Karey after a long battle with breast cancer in June 2014, so it's been over a year now. The first couple months, I thought I was doing really well. There were lots of people around to help, lots of friends and family calling/texting, and I was just really focused on the well-being of our 8 and 10 year old girls, and doing what needed to be done with them and the house and everything else.
Then, something completely unexpected happened at around 3 months. I re-connected with a female friend that had been our neighbor a couple houses before. She was actually a good friend of Karey's as well. She had been divorced for a year or more at that point. Our kids had grown up next to each other, and we had known each other for 7-8 years by this point, so it was very comfortable. I had never in a million years imagined I would be with someone else so quickly, but it seemed right, and we both discussed it with our kids and the people around us that we trusted. Karey and I had conversations about these kinds of things before she died, and I knew she would want me to try to be happy. Long story short, we evolved into a serious relationship that was very good, for both of us, for around 8 months or so. We were romantically involved, but more importantly,she became my best friend. It all seemed so right, because we both missed Karey and it was very easy for us to talk about that and work through our grief.
Then, I guess somewhere along the way, the grief and confusion and feeling of being lost just really hit me. I think it was triggered mainly by the first weekend in May, which happened to contain what would have been our 15th wedding anniversary, my 40th birthday, Mother's Day, and my daughter's First Communion (yes - all in the same weekend). I was a complete mess for weeks. I had no idea what to do, and just plain felt lost. So, I ended up sort of pushing the new girl away, and asked if I could have some space for a little while. Within a month or two, I kind of came out of my crisis, and felt like I was ready to really commit to the relationship again. But at that point, it was too late. She had been pretty hurt (understandably) during that period that I had mostly pushed her away. We tried for a month or more to make it work, but by then just the combined stress of both of our situations had kind of taken it's toll. We finally decided to call it quits about a week ago. So, I've now lost my wife (and best friend), plus my new best friend, in a little over a year. I still think she's a wonderful person, and we text occasionally, but I don't think it's going to work being "friends".
I don't regret being in the new relationship, even though it's very painful now that it has ended. Although, I feel like I'm now suffering from a double loss. I guess being in a relationship that soon after Karey's death kind of delayed my emotions for awhile - or at the very least it gave me someone to share my life with, so the loss didn't seem as unbearable. Now, however, I feel like I'm starting over again. I feel like what I'm experiencing now, I should have experienced a year ago. At this point, I'm not even sure which loss I'm grieving. Probably both I guess. I know logically and clinically that there's no right or wrong way to go about this, and no right or wrong timeframe to experience grief, but I can't help but feel I did this to myself.
Sorry for such a long post, but it feels better already just to get this typed out. I guess my question is, has anyone else been through something similar? Any advice for me as a try to move forward? Any and all comments would be welcome, as I feel just totally lost right now. Also, if anyone is anywhere near Indiana (Illinois, Ohio, Kentucky) I would be interested in meeting up at some point (I have read a little about the WiddaBago thing) just to connect with others going through this whole terrible process.
Thank you for listening,
John
