phil

its so cruel, i cry my eyes out every night, , hugs to every one

thank you for your supporting words, and sorry about your husband, ,i strugle some times to write my thoughts, but like you the waves hit me and its when im alone or evenings which are the worst, , 8 weeks since i lost my wife, and its unbearable , but im looking forward to talk through things with a councilor, i started work last week ,so put on a brave face, its hell, i didnt know how i could hurt so bad,    every one on this forum have been amazing cant thank every one enough 

hi every one thank you for your supporting words, im looking forward now , just wish it wasnt a long wait to get to see them,, im starting work tomorro and i was making my food for work and ,well i broke down ,, ,life is crap, time goes so slow,,im hanging in there, its so hard as you all know. many thanks ,

thanks every one , sorry for you all to,,just reading what you all saying and  been through makes me feel like im not going mad, as it is the evenings and waves that smash me, ,im finding when i have a good cry its like within a few moments its like wow what just happened and i plod along until the next wave hits, thank you again for lisening, phil

hi its 7 weeks today that i lost my wife and my world callapsed, when a friend asked the other week have i thought about seeing a councilor, i have been pondering over it, and yesterday i booked an appointment ,abit of a wait ,a few weeks, it seems to be getting harder especialy these dark nights, and the loneliness/hurt of missing jo, that the  panick sets in, i try to keep busy but i cant escape the grief just waits for me,, im grieving for my old life i had with jo, as well,miss her so much  i want her back i know i cant, its so fu...d up

i think ill put the tree up ,its a strugle,  like you sorry youe hear buit will do it for the kids,, this sucks,, thank you sio much

so sorry for you r loss,, this site has been amazing, , so glad you found it too,

thanks virgo and trying, every one , yea i was looking to far of my self, yea it dont matter how busy i am it waits for me,, ,thanks again

hi friend yea that makes perfect sense but not know that film ill have to down load it,, all these dates suck, sorry to hear about your 16th,,annerversary  and your hear,  , i just hope my heads not permantly numb, hope you ok mate

thanks mate ,it just hit me ,my eyes still burning,  yea dreding xmass,  as jo allways made it special exspecially for the kids, i think its cancelled this year, and newyears day is our proper annerversary,, hope you get through ok

hi i have had a terrible after noon, iv had a busy day getting the xmass decks down, my son helped, and i started pulling other boxs down just making space and i came across last year cards and the one jo wrote on mine last year ,my wonderfull husband, you mean the world to me ,cant wait to spendanother christmass together, love you everything. well i just compleatly broke down, i was ok pottering and iv cried buckets, feels like iv gone back a couple of weeks, i try and keep busy, but the pain waites for me, and when i have a moment or two bang, its still early 6 weeks since jo passed away, ,this is so hard

so sorry friend, you have found a group of lovelly peaple hear, i can relate to  your feelings,  i was told take it hour by hour and now i take day by day, and it has helped alot, the guilt and waves of hurt, grief crushes me ,  exspecially the nights / mornings, in the hospital  they turned the venterlator of as well like you it took a minute or so and , its fuxxxd me up , its trurmatizing ,,keep posting friend

hi karrin, so sorry about eddie,what a nice story , i cant offer any advice except the advice of the wonderfull supportive peaple on hear ,im just over the one month date myself, and can relate 100 percent, i cry most times too and the empty home it rips me apart , im,glad you said you  got friends close by, you will find lots of support hear i have ,so sorry,

hi jen thanks for the reply, hope you ok,,  some friends came round earlyer and ,i coulnt wait for them to go, said some insenitive words, well i took them as that ,, you sumbed the word  up ,crushing agony,, , this truly is a long painfull journey, but thank you all for sharing your kind thoughtfull words,,phil

thanks jess and every one,  reading what you say from your personal experiance, helps , im just wishing the day away ,weeks, in the hope  this crushing feeling gives up a bit,,,,,,,,

i can really relate to peaple on hear,, your all new friends, ill be staying hear for ever ,, thanks every one

thank you al soo much , its crazy how i relate to others pain , its how im feeling , ,my tears come in bursts havnt long had one then its like f...k, i need to potter,,  earlyer i had to go to town and bloody hell couples doing xmass shoping i hated just walking past em,,,, just wanted to get out of town, its horrible  with out jo and  the future scares the hell out of me,, sorry for the rant, thanks again

thanks, for the reply,sojouner  im not going to make any more plans now  regarding jos belongings etc, till i feel much better,, i was having a ok sort of day being around joannes sister i even had a laugh, but when i got back home my new phone had arrived, contract ran out so got a cheaper tarrif, so i was putting contacts in ,,then bang i came to jo,s number, iv only just stopped crying and calmed my self down,all i see is reminders  this is so hard, but others ,yourself have come through this shit n pain i have got to aswell,, thanks for licening

i dnt know i would be typing today as i was going, just looked at what i typed so messed up sorry,,just got back from my 40th weekend break in a caravan that mother in law booked  with joannes sister and family , 2 months ago for my bday and our 1st  weding annerversary, well it was hectic and busy  i cried lots , i said i was going to scater the ashes but i coulnt do it as my heads not althere , i coulnt do it as i need her by me , when i got in i rang every one txd as i needed to hear of peaple massive pannic attack,impeding doom future, its getting harder but wil read til im droping again on this forum ,masive help sory

so sorry for your loss,  you found a lovelly forum great peaple,, cant say much im ripped appart myself  as lost my wife 1 month today, and could not see myself getting this far as i wanted to be with my joanne,, but im still hear, mate  suround your self with friends and family its got me this far,,  and read lots on the forum ,  huggs

thank you ,, just cried my eyes out walking around the house looking at photos,, christ  from reading posts im taking deep breaths, its like im in a preasure tank,

thanks every one ,im so glad theres a forum and i found it, you all help so much,,thank you all

so sorry for your loss,, i cried when reading as mine coming soon,, hope you get through the day ok ,, and have lots of support

its nearly the 1st of nov. it be 1 month since my wife was taken ,, this weekend has seemed harder  im panicking a lot dizzy, its like i know jos  never coming home again, sounds messed up i know, iv cried every day,and i was going to scatter jos ashes next weekend as we was going away for my 40th and our 1st annerversary but i cant let go , friends familly keep saying you be better when you start work etc but im dreading that day, been off 5 weeks, as i work as a school caretaker i got jo a job there as a dinner lady she was only working there 2 weeks before she had phumonia,,, and at 44 we had the best 6 years together,, ,im banging diazapans etc down me , my future looks bleak without jo,, and when peaple say your lucky to find the love you had as many peaple dont at all this makes me panic more as jo was 1 in a million,, this has been hell and sorry th all the other posts for your losses,, phil

what a lovelly letter, every thing i feel,