JenM

Hi, I'm Jen. I lost my husband, best friend, father to my 2 kids (3 & 6) and the love of my life on June 21st which also happened to be Fathers Day this year. He was killed in a motorcycle accident. Not doing anything crazy as I would have expected, he simply hit a pot hole in the road and lost control. Veering into on coming traffic. Just like that. Something so simple. REALLY!!??? When he has been riding for at least 20 years, raced sport bikes....that's how he goes?? I am sure he's hit many pot holes in his days of riding so why this day would it kill him? I just can't understand it. He would have been 44yrs in August. I really don't understand it. So....I was pretty much numb for the summer, thought I was coping but now realize I was just on auto-pilot.....just going through the motions, leading people to think I was "OK". I fooled myself even. I went back to work but that did not last long. I could feel something was different . Something was creeping up on me, this dark cloud. Just after the 5 month mark (November 21) I lost it. Freaked out!! I have not cried this much even the day I heard he was dead. How can this be? I feel panic, despair....like o can't hold on anymore. I'm tired of being "Ok" because I'm not........

@DebW your story caught my attention. I have only Checked out this site today for the first time but felt the urge to write you. I lost my husband suddenly and tragically 5 months ago as well. I too thought I had been thru the worst but I am a complete mess! I think I have only now somehow come out of the shock of losing him. It's crazy...I thought I had somewhat come to terms with it but clearly I haven't. Christmas coming isn't helping one bit. There are so many new thoughts and memories that are now pouring through my brain. I have cried before and a lot but now I can't stop...everyday...it seems constant. My face hurts. I feel in a panic, lost and alone in my head. How do I move on other than just going through the motions for my kids and family? It's really weird but I feel as tho I've just been "holding on" like he will be back soon, just hold on a little longer but for what.? He isn't coming back.... I don't know what words of incouragement I have for you as I am just as lost so maybe we can help each other.