Hey...just wanted to introduce myself. I lost my husband almost 3 weeks ago; he died unexpectedly at age 31. He got sick with the stomach bug, ended up in the hospital, and had passed 7 hours later. Apparently, the "stomach bug" was undiagnosed diabetes, and he was suffering from DKA. There is a lot that went wrong with how he was treated medically, both that night and in the 6 months prior, so I'm trying to shore up against the long battle that is coming.
I just did this whole thing, this terrible, how will I go on, life altering grief that changes you as a person when my husband and I lost our 3 month old to SIDS not quite 2 years ago. I thought that was the worst I could feel; everyone says losing a child is the worst pain. And it's true; it was terrible, and at the time, I certainly thought I couldn't feel any worse. But this is it. This is worse. When my son died, a dream died; when my husband died, all my dreams died.
I can't believe for the 2nd time in 3 years I have to face Christmas with this devastation. I wonder how my 6 year old will ever grow up to be normal when in her short life she has had to lose a brother and a father. Who does that happen to? What did we do so wrong? If I hear "you are strong" one more time, I will vomit. This isn't strength; this is having no choice, this is the result of the fact that my heart hasn't literally exploded into the million pieces it feels like; this is just bad luck that I'm still getting up in the morning, going about my business.
So yeah...I'm a 37 year old widow who has buried both her son and her husband and is left to take care of her two daughters - 6 and 13 months - without the patient one, the middle of the night waker, the game player. Tonight no tears our left, but I know they'll find me again.
