Where to start, while being sensitive of those new to grief. I belonged to a widowed too young site, which was unceremoniously, "after pouring my most inner thoughts and feelings to", shut down. So, my husband of 20 years died, unexpectedly at age 48. We were soul mates, married for 20 years. We adopted our boys, as newborns. Our boys whom, we adopted after years of infertility treatments, surgeries, miscarriages and heartache were the center of our lives. When we adopted our boys, as newborns, the feeling my husband and I felt for each other and our boys was utterly overwhelming. We were over the moon! When Steve died, I took a leave of absence from my demanding job, telling my superiors that I was so "shell shocked" that I couldn't form a sentence. After all this and much more, How could our journey towards parenthood, our triumph over infertility prevail? I have been in the depths of grief and despair. I have wailed incessantly, to the point where I have dialed the suicide hotline to hear a human voice who soothed me. So, after 6 years without him, I am now remarried to a wonderful, amazing man I went to high school with. Still, every single day and night, I grieve. I cry in silence so my husband doesn't hear. I convey my thoughts and words not to discourage new beginnings. We must look forward