Jazzy

Thank you so much to everyone who has commented and offered support. I appreciate it! I'm glad I've found a community that understands.

Thank you so much for the kind replies Wheelerswife and SoVerySad. It is nice to know that I'm not alone and that I'm not going crazy and all of this is normal now. Today has been so surreal. I can't help but think that only a month ago he was still here. He was sitting right here next to me and how suddenly it can all change, it is confusing. Hard to grasp that I will never see him again or hear his voice speaking to me. I won't be able to tell him how much I love him. I wish I could have said goodbye. Sorry I'm rambling a little in my posts, I'm overwhelmed today with emotions and maybe the shock of it all is starting to fade. I had such an amazing life and now I am part of this club. I'm so thankful to find people who can relate and whom I can vent and ramble to.

I'm hoping writing and letting things out to others who may relate will help. I'm 28 and lost my husband suddenly almost a month ago on December 17th. He was the greatest friend I've ever had. We were together for 7 years and married for 5. For the first 3 weeks I stayed with family and this week was my first on my own. I've spent the majority of the week in his baggy sweat pants and shirts on our couch crying. I sleep for only an hour or so at a time and I feel like I relive that awful morning each time I wake. It hurts so bad sometimes I don't know how I will make it until the next hour without him. Today I told myself that I was going to be productive, go to the grocery store. I found myself crying in the produce section. How much food does one person really need? I never would have thought about how difficult everyday tasks would become. I've become the dishelveled woman who cries in the store looking at fruit. I guess I tried. I'm so very lonely and afraid I can't do this on my own. My friends have told me to call if I need anything, but I feel like a bother. I feel like the world has kept turning, but I'm still here on my couch wishing he would just walk through the door