CappysWidow

How do you deal with it. It will be 6 months on Thursday...it is also his mothers birthday that day and our daughters birthday the day before. I had a tendency to do (or not to do) at work to get myself fired or sent home even before Adam died. This time it's worse. On Friday I stayed home and didn't call in...I didn't care. I still don't but went to work today anyways. All I want to do, or be is drug myself. Not to OD or anything but to not hurt anymore. Just to be numb. Even worse I am trying to figure out if and how I can be drugged at work (I sit at a desk all day with little human interaction). How do you deal? How do you get yourself out of this?

I don't know where to start. Adam and I had known each other for 24 years...been together for 20 years...married for 12 years. We have 2 kids (11 yr old girl and 8 yr old boy). He was sick for 39 days...diagnosed with leukaemia for 21 days...went into the hospital for chemo 12 days prior...didn't receive chemo until 6 days before he died but was also on life-saving machines for those days. A lot of these 173 days I hadn't delt with the loss. I had to make sure my kids are ok, getting the house ready to sell and dealing with an uncooperative school. Most days I want to pack up the kids and run away. Logic tells me all this will follow me if I don't deal with it and let it all play out, my emotions want to run and my heart always asks me "hat would Adam think". As long as we keep moving forward, things will work out how they are supposed to.