baywebbshelton

My new husband and I! I agree with most of you out there, I had no idea I would ever find love again!

Hi Mattie, I am approaching my 4 year mark now, and I can say those feelings never really go away. Some days I feel like I'm in an alternate reality, and that he really isn't dead. All I can say is just focus on your healing process, and keep close to your friends and family (the ones who are positive and good for you, negative people can only make your grief worse). I was also married to my husband for a short time, 3 months and 1 week. It wasn't enough time, and I don't think there is ever enough time with the people you love. The only advice I can offer from my own grief process is don't let yourself be consumed by fear or guilt. There is nothing wrong with continuing to live and enjoy life. Just try to think of what you would want for your husband if you had died, and live your life that way. When it comes time for your wedding anniversary do something really special that would both would have loved! I always go to our favorite restaurant and visit him at his grave. This year I can't but I will still do something on that day, and its makes me feel like I am still showing him I love him. I am even remarried now (boy was falling in love again a surprise) and I still celebrate and honor him. I even wear two wedding rings! Just do you, celebrate life and the memories, and give yourself forgiveness!!

Having been exactly where you are now, I totally understand your anger. However, I am approaching my 4 year mark, and I can now appreciate those same things people said to me. They said it with best of intentions, and with good in their hearts. Many times I wished people could know how I felt too, and wanted other peoples spouses to die so I wouldn't be alone in my pain. I completely understand. Just give the people who obviously love you some kindness, since they're only doing their best. Not everyone can think of magical things to say to make it better, and often we repeat what other people have said in those times. Just stay strong, and keep your head above water.

I've come back to read this post again, as I have been for a couple years now. I have been remarried for two years now, and my new husband is deployed in Afghanistan (army) and everyday is filled with fear that I will come home to someone on my doorstep waiting to tell me my husband has died. Sometimes I wonder if I'll really kill myself this time, or if I'll simply go on living life as a shell of who I once was... Honestly though, knowing that there are others out there who have gone through the worst gives me the strength to love despite the odds. I am so sorry for what you have all gone through, but thank you for sharing.

3 years later and I'm still purging. It takes time and extreme emotional stamina to go through it all. These days I just part with things that make me too sad to look at, and others that never mattered when he was alive and I held onto it for my own sake. Just take your time, do what feels right. There's no time limit or schedule for grief and processing it.

I didn't completely runaway, but I did take two months of traveling the US and Europe after my husband died, and it gave me a lot of what I had lost back. It showed me there was actually something to live for, and that I could still have some small joys. It was a very important part for me in my healing process, and I would recommend you do exactly what you spoke of. You have the ability, the time and desire. GO FOR IT! It could turn into one of the best decisions you've made for yourself, to heal and reminisce you and your wife's life together. I can imagine it will be extremely challenging at times, but in the end you will come out better for it. GOOD LUCK!

Update: Last week I threw my dress away. I couldn't find a good way to send it off, and didn't feel right about donating it for another woman to wear. I also threw away the clothes from the morgue at the same time, and a part of me misses those things, and another is happy to have one less reminder of pain.

I understand how you feel. This morning when I woke up I sobbed like I haven't in a couple years all because of a dream. I haven't stopped crying 8 hours later. It just comes and goes, but never really goes away. Hugs to you.

I would say talk about funeral arrangements, prepare wills, discuss where you want to be buried, and to have life insurance. Otherwise I don't think there's much else you can do to ever really be prepared. Talking about these things, and having them is another way of showing you love your partner, to make the worst easier in some way.

One month after my husband died (he died 03-21-15, married only 3 months) my grandmother told me "Suck it up and move on already. He's dead, you're young, get over it" I have had SO many people tell me I'm lucky because we didn't have children, but to me that's a slap in the face. I would be lucky if I did have children. As if no children from your dead husband is a blessing.

I also can't decide what to do with mine. I've heard of people casing the dress in a resin, and framing it. I just remarried recently and now I'm not sure what to do either. Do I display both dresses, or should I only have my recent one out? Does anyone else feel guilty at the thought of having both dresses on display? I feel like I am holding onto an old life with all these things, and not able to move into my new one.

I just remarried recently, and still have the bag of clothes my husband died in (from the morgue) and clothing, shoes, random tools, computer parts, airsoft guns etc.. What have you guys done with all the old memorabilia? I don't want to get rid of anything but I also don't know what to with these things. Does anyone know how to reuse or change these items into something new and functional, without them staying buried in a closet?