sandrine2279

I remember reading this article from onefitwidow (I read her blog in the early days and it helped me) : https://www.onefitwidow.com/marrying-a-widow/

her current husband wrote : widows and widowers "feel deeper emotions and live fuller lives every day".....

Maybe it is in not such a good thing when you end being hurt....

Makes me affraid of trying again one day...

(hugs)

Thank you for your kind support

I just took my stuff back at his flat yesterday. I didn't cry. He almost did. He said I am sorry and I just answered that there was no need to be sorry (I already told him... that I didn't want him to apologize cos I don't care). I made him feel like the piece of sh.....  he has been to me... not saying the truth. gosthing me for a week.... now I have to work on not devaluating myself although he feels better with her (well, he talked about her like his was talking about me 2 weeks ago).

I am not asking for anybody to treat me in a different way just because I am a widdow but... how was he able to hurt me so much knowing what I have been through? 

it is strange to feel heartbroken 3 years after such a grief. so I question what to do....loneliness is hard to.... but if trying to meet someone just causes more pain... 

(hugs)

Update.... things getting worse... in fact he met someone else and has a crush... sigh... life is still brutal after grief. 3 years ago I thought I couldn t hurt for anything else than loosing my bear... but... I can...

update :  he is already online on the dating site.... I feel like I dreamt all the good moments with him. he is already over me anyway.... 

Hello, 

Here I am, finally… and feeling alive again turns mostly… hurtful

I came here 3 years ago after loosing my love life suddenly. Here I met … wonderful Tonfinoman and had to greive him without being able to met him… fucking cancer.

But recently I finally met a wonderful guy online. we joined each other in Paris after 10 days of messaging and long phone calls. we’ve been seeing each other each week for whole week-ends. he was feeling very emotional at some point…. he made surprinsingly great projects… short-time and kinda long-term.

even came to my hometown and met my closed friends ….

I went to Paris again  seven days ago. he asked me to book train tickets to go with him at a painting class next month.

Last week end appart he called me for hours and too days after told me he was fearing that is feelings will not grow enough in the future… and that he didn’t want to hurt me …

I told him he is probably questionning himself too much and too soon and he agreed to have a second thought about us. he said he would call me the day after. he didn’t and ingored my calls (although he has got some of my stuff in his flat and should be worrying about expensive train tickets I will never use…)

He thought we were so connected…..and now  I don’t what to do. he is special to me and after loosing my bear, it is easy for me to know what I want because I know the value of each little happy moment….

today I feel like life is just hurtfull… forever… whatever I do to move forward…

Sorry I am not here to give some hope today.

Sandrine

Last year I was waiting for an awful text message which would tell he passed away... and now, after one year without Fly... all we can do is remembering such a wonderful man. so unfair. Sigh...

10 months since he is gone... one day, he taught me only me can decide to be miserable or not. I think it helps more than I could have imagined and wanted to share this here. 

you're right Maureen.  Missing him too...I have no words...

still can't believe he is not there anymore...

12 weeks tonight ...

I miss Fly too... like crazy ....

Hello,

I have the same question because Toosoon was the first person to contact me here and I needed to hear from her badly.

thinks

Sandrine, it sounds like you must have had a close relationship with him; my heart goes out to you as well. :'(

much more than I can write it

Sandrine, it sounds like you must have had a close relationship with him; my heart goes out to you as well. :'(

much more than I can write it

thanks Maureen for your post. beautiful

as I already wrote ...  my Fly, you expanded my heart, brought me back to life and now  life broke me again.  love you forever.  xoxoxo

1. FAMILY

 

2. FRIENDS

 

3. LEFTOVER PIZZA.

1. Tofinoman

2. Tofinoman

3. Tofinoman

you expanded my heart, life broke it again.  love you forever xoxoxo

Hello,

I don't pretend I understand what I do most of time. I am 21 weeks out only.

All I can say is that I doo have a lot of guilty feelings too (why grief didn't kill me instantly or after a few days?  how can I eat a meal (even if I basically survive on protein snacks and lost already more than 20 pounds), how can I now keep my mind busy at work?, how can I smile from time to time?  etc...)

I read a post from a young widow there about different ways to grieve:

http://girlfriendsarethenewhusbands.blogspot.fr/2016/04/two-ways-of-grief.html

I guess I am definitly an "houdini griever", it probably has something to do with my "culture" about grief (not living anymore must be respecting him).

Sorry, I don't have wiser words to help but I think it's what makes me feel guilty about my "good days" .

(((hugs)))

G.

Thank you Maureen and Kater,

Since my last post, his mother  went to the police station accusing me of robbing my bear's stuff and she said to my parents I was mean with him.

It also seems that she and her daughter read all the text messages I sent to my bear since the police has given them his phone and she also made sure, a few weeks ago, that my bear's friend who also have the only video with his voice won't give it to me.

Finally, she came at my parents and told them putting a stone on his grave is not her business...  today I learnt his father  was seen at the cementary leaving with flowers he took from the bins....

and I can't keep my bear's memories because we weren't married....

sorry, I needed to write it there.

Hugs.

Thank you Maureen for you answer,

His mother is pressuring me calling all the time since yesterday.  She tries to call my mother too.

This stressful situation is really making me sick.

15 weeks out = it's yesterday he leaved my office and never came back home...

You're right I need time but they don't want to let me some.

At least, one year would be a more acceptable timeline for me.

I don't even know when or if I would be able to get back to our house one day.

Hugs

Sandrine

I think today is the day to speak about my condition of unwed widow, who never cared getting married or not (like my man).

I've been treated as if we were married during the funerals. Anyway, the family of my beloved teddy bear is always so dumb they couldn't handle nothing properly (even went to the toilets instade of following the coffin...).

I had only three years with the love of my life.

Sorry, if I wasn't given the chance to spend the rest of my life with my wonderful men and most of all,  if he wasn't given the chance to live (he was 32).

Today, I am 15 weeks out and it hurts enough.

Today his mother insisted like she never did before, asking me to give "his family" all of his favorite stuff that "were important to him" and I am offered to keep my own presents I gave him...

I was ready to break my heart to give them a part of his stuffs  but it seems they want to let me nothing.

The reason she told me is that "his family" have been with him for 30 years (they never took care of him like I did btw) and so that's normal I don't keep memories.

I asked for weeks to send me photos of him I don't have and the only video with his voice (he hated pics and video) and never received anything.

His (step)father who has never been a real father for him wants his favoriteskin  bombers to wear it and asked for it even before we burried my bear (ughhh),  so respectfull...

and I have so many memories with that piece of my bear.

So, I don't mine not being part of this family since I have  never liked the way they treated him since he was a little boy,  but my bear and I had projects and we were our own little family (talking babies, a new dog, planting trees in the garden two days before I lost him...).

Love you my Bear.

double fuck today

1) fuck my business partner keeping asking me why I moved the desk used my beloved teddy bear when he was waiting for me in my office.... seems he would like me to explain again and again it would be too painful to look at this empty chair while I have to receive my clients...

2) fuck my bear's step-father who is so stupid he seriously said that maybe my bear (32 years old) had already done such a good job on earth that  God decided he could die now and that's a reward

Fuck that I realised I have to live  Bridget Jones' life.... waiting for the love of her live and then losing him.. Yes, I discovered she is a widow in the third book but not in the new movie.

It would probably be too sad for the public when it's my reality.... 

Hello,

A friend of mine is getting married in less than two months. and I'm two months out today.

She carrefully asked if I still want to come but adding that she undertands if I can't do it.

My bear was supposed to come with me. I can't even think of going to a marriage even in 10 years...

Hugs Ruth

thank you Jean. it's already a lot havind all of you there... without widda and wonderful people reading, listening and explaining I would be really alone with this so deep grief.

(((Hugs))))

thank you all for your kind support.

hugs