sandrine2279

Today....tow months ago was hour last day at home. seven weeks ago, we buried him.

today.  rare time alone in my office. crying in the closets...... If I was one of my own clients, I would run away....

bump

fuck cancer.... just learnt my grand mother may have a cancer (again)... don't even know if she could go under a surgery being 86 years old. fuck

Hello,

thank you TofinoMan.

unfortunately, my beloved bear spent quite a lot of time at my office and around my office with me. in a small town.... so even being in my office is heartbreaking (I can't leave my job quickly anyway) and walking outside is walking where we used to be together....

I'll be two months out next saturday. what a nightmare....

Hugs

sandrine

Bump!

Can connect anymore since two days.... even on two different computers and also on my phone

tried googlechrome, IE, firefox....

Bump!

Hello Pauleena89,

I feel the same everyday .. that if I'm strong and wait for him doing everything OK (maybe even making the room for his dvd collection at home his was supposed to do)... he will come back.

and I like to believe it.

my best friends tells me if I don't accept the loss I won't come over it (by the way, easy to tell when you're not even really happy with your longtime  boyfriend and have no projects together)..... but the fact is I don't wanna get out of it most of time. I want  him.

hugs

bump

Hi

five weeks out and I'm still at my parents.

not able to go back home without him...

hugs

today I want to thank especially one of my partner's client for asking me  "how I am and"  telling me that  what happens to me is "catastrophic".... wtf ???? well, it's kind of  true but it's beyond that. people are just so stupid.

At the same time, my partner keep asking me if I really don't want to go to the Court right now....

Well, no.  just to avoid 20 pepole per day not kowing what to say to me  and making me cry in public....

Hello.

thank you for your kind answers. it really helps me since you all know what I'm going trough.

indeed,  I must be surviving for the moment.

oh, I miss so much my Dear Bear. nightmares every single nights. I'm so tired at work.

just wanna go home with him...

hugs 

Hi,

I wonder if people here can tel me something about that.

I feel so guilty when I manage to focus on something at work. at four weeks and a half out.

how can I do that? auto-run mode?

thank you .

I really feel the same. morevoer I feel like if I don't wait for him then nobody else will do and  I let him behing me and and then  won't come back.

or, the idea is unbearable for me, at four weeks out.

hugs

Hi

Since one month I can tell I know what grief really is. losing the only man I have ever really loved and with whom I was doing my whole life. so unfair for him (he is 32 years old)....

So what about the grief I thought I felt before?

a break up? being rejected by someone? what about all these songs I listened about people saying they could die because of a love affair and so on....

pepole in my country  crying because water went into their  house, waiting for the insurances to pay for their damaged goods?

my beloved bear's friends saying they "keep strongs" and think of him going to the cinemas as they used to do with him  before ?! only three weeks after they were crying out loud at the cemetary... louder than me who couldn't  cry ....!

maybe I am not able to feel the grief of other people but... 

come on .... in fact I did knew nothing about grief and I wish it could be the same today.

I just needed to write it here...

hugs

sandrine

Hi

Jess you're so right.

when I met him he asked me if I wanted to have children.

I told him that I was already 34 years old and I tried not focus on children since I didn't know if I would find the father.... last year I knew it would have been so stupid to miss the joy of having his child...

now everything hurt's so bad. young couple before me this morning when all I can do is buying flowers for him.... blond children who should be ours...  mother's day.. father's day ... it was really his dream and he wanted to do it with me.

hugs

everything written here is just so right....

too short happiness... I look at the children we won't have, look at those older women with their ring on/ telling me they're not widows... looking at those unhappy couples that can spend their life together.....

looking at my best friend staying with a long longtime boyfriend because she's affraid no to find someone else.

and me, I'm not even sad to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm grieving the wasted life of my beloved bear...

I really need to read everything here . telling me my bear and I are not the only ones.

thank you for sharing your stories.....

four weeks ago today. still don't want believe it.

definitly waiting for you my bear .

I have already  thought of texting him. ...I think I ll  be  able  to  wait  for an answer. ...

Hugs

last night I dreamt we were going out together because he managed to come back for me.  silly grief...

and today, going to our house was just excruciating.  I wish I could give up that nightmare. i'm pis.... of.

I need the most important person  in my life and cannot even talk to him. ...

in fact in today I just don't want to believe he couldn't come back. I love him. can't stop loving him.

feel like I gotta be strong for months or years and then he comes and find me again like the first time.

do some of you feel that sometimes?

hugs

Sandrine

I lived with my love so ... I try the week end to look  like every day . go and see him every day and try to work at my office every day...

don't know if it can help you.

hugs

Sandrine

yes, this is exatcly what I do, avoidind the "scene".

I've been a lawyer since almost 12 years so I work slowly and not for a very long time but I 'm still able to do the minimum I have to do...

and for a short time I forget... my brain believes I'm working before getting home with him.

big f...k to my life.

Sandrine

Hello,

you're all so nice to take time to read me complaining with my grief.

it's true I need to find people understanding the loss of my love.

not everey body can. my best friend explained me that taking time for me should not make me feel guilty cos' it's not forgetting my beloved bear....

but it's not only about feeling guilty. it also pure grief not be with him everywhere as usual....

others don't get it whereas I'm greiving more and more every day.

it's now difficult to go out of my bed and I almost feel I can hardly any eat something when I wake up.

sandrine

merci beaucoup...

thank you for your support.

yes for a while I ll be able to avoid appointement for clients. I also began  to work  at home  but ended  speaking  to him  at the cementary.

I love him so....