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lovelorne

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Everything posted by lovelorne

  1. YWBB got me through the first year. I don't know how I could have done it otherwise. I had printed copies of that writing by Wifeless and can't find them now, I'm so glad to know it's here.
  2. In a couple of days I will be 59. I was 49 when I was widowed - that was young. It's been 9 1/2 years since I held his hand. At 59, I don't feel old, but I sure don't feel young. I've had a couple of relationships since (one ongoing), and while I can honestly say I love(d) those men, there is no marriage in my future. I married the last person for the last time and he's been gone longer than we were together. Time just keeps passing. An old friend was just widowed. It got me thinking about how alone I feel most of the time. I have friendships and good relationships with my adult children, but this isn't the old age I planned for. I am grateful for what I have in my life, but there's a pervasive sadness that I've never been able to throw off. I know where it comes from. I don't ever get to sit on a porch in rocking chairs with my husband. That was the old age I wanted. Just getting old together.
  3. I strongly recommend doing this. When I was in the early stages and people would say that to me, I'd knit my brow and say, "No, I've been divorced and I've been widowed and they are NOTHING alike." Then I'd look them in the eyes until they had to look away. My approach was a little more aggressive than most people would use, but seriously. Find a line and use it.
  4. Since my 2nd husband passed, two of my three children has married. One of my girls is 51% done with her MBA. One of my twins was just accepted to a Doctor of Physical Therapy program. Both of the girls had a picture of their stepfather in a seat at their weddings. But he isn't here to tell them how proud (and I know how proud he would have been) that they are doing so well working towards their life goals. My autistic daughter is employed full time, loves her job, and loves her independence. I thought I had this all figured out (yeah right) but I cried tonight.
  5. I believe these "three good things" threads are very important. We all need to recognize the silver lining. 1. I woke up at 6:30 and had the dogs walked by 8 am. (Florida - the only "cool" time is around dawn). 2. My bf works 2nd shift and sleeps late, but while he was asleep I went to Lowe's and got more landacape fabric and staples. I was working in the yard before he even woke up. 3. We had grilled shrimp wrapped in bacon! And grilled pineapple! YAY!!!
  6. > One day at a time... Keep your eyes on the prize. <3
  7. Do you believe in grieving in advance? I thought I did until he died. No way was I prepared for that. 11 months after being diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, he passed. It was like a dream. The constant work of caregiving was over, but the real nightmare had just begun.
  8. We had done a reno that lasted 8 years, until he passed. There was literally nothing left to do except the roof. I sold the house (after 2 years), lived in an apartment for a while, and bought a house for me and the BF. The house is solid, not fancy, but the yard is enormous and nothing but grass. I'm going to slowly transform it into paradise. FYI trees on the cheap: arborday.org. 10 free trees!
  9. This type of grief is definitely unlike any other. I don't think someone who hasn't experienced it can imagine the enormity of the depth and all the ways one is affected by it. Well said, and I'll add something my late husband once told me: Once a cucumber becomes a pickle, it can never be a cucumber again.. Once you join this club, you can never un-join. My husband has been gone almost 5 years, I've been in a good relationship for nearly 4 years, and I still miss my husband. It's not nearly as hard as it once was, but it still sucks.
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