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4th of July


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Fourteen years ago today, my Kenneth and I spent our cry first 4th of July together. Hands down, it was probably the best day we ever had together, both as a family and as a couple. Everything from the time we got out of bed that morning, to the family gathering, to the fireworks, to the intense make out session in his brother's pool (after everyone else went to sleep, of course), to what still sticks in my mind as some of the best sex I ever had, was just perfect.

 

There hasn't been a 4th of July since then, that I haven't thought about those hours in the pool, the intimate conversations we had that night, or the closeness we shared. Those memories came flooding back again today. Now that he is gone, those memories cause me to miss him so much more intensely than usual. I would give anything to be able to rewind time to just a few minutes of that first 4th of July together.

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So many hugs. I'm intensely missing intimacy right now-- physical, yes, but emotional even more. I'm trying to come terms with the fact that I may never experience that kind of connection again in this life. I think I would give everything I have and more to have one more day with my Jim, who really was like the other half of my soul. I know I have to learn to live without that intimacy, but it's hard not to hate this maimed half-life I've been left. Working on it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Fourteen years ago today, my Kenneth and I spent our cry first 4th of July together. Hands down, it was probably the best day we ever had together, both as a family and as a couple.

 

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner.  July 4th was not a happy day for me, either. It will never again be the "4th of July" for me.

 

I hope you were able to find some way to remember this and feel happy about the good times you two had together.

 

|+|  M a r k  |+|

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