It's a crying kind of day

[TMPPGH]

This was a post I put up on fb today some of these thoughts come from a blog I read called cocktails and chemo. Her husband died from colon cancer like mine. As always this is long.  My morning today started off better than the days I have been having.  Then reality has a way of sneaking up on me.  I came into work with a plan. Get through emails and feel like I?ve actually accomplished something today.  Well a counterpart of mine that I work very close with name is Todd. In going through emails and seeing emails addressed to ?Todd and Tracy? it made me realize how there isn?t a ?Todd and Tracy? except for memories.  Then I started to think back to my normal life and I am going to write this for all those who are married or in a relationship.  When you were married as long as Todd and I you realize things about relationships.  One thing I realized was all I wanted to be was noticed, to feel like what I did mattered and to be appreciated. I really think this is a goal most humans want in life.  All too often we let resentment creep into our relationships.  It can be something as little as being asked to do something like take out the garbage, what we tend to think ?.can?t you see all that I have already done?  When I think of the ways Todd showed me that he knew all I was doing, I feel bad that I no longer have the opportunity to thank him.  I miss Todd?s neat freak ways.  One day we got into a disagreement about me leaving a water bottle on the end table overnight.  Now I would do anything to have such a trivial argument.  I came across a text that Todd actually sent a friend about ?true love? and it showed me how much he really did see what I was doing.  ?Think about what I am going thru now, last night (actually the last few nights) Tracy hasn?t slept much, does she get tired and has a rough time helping me with certain things?yes?even with how I feel, I still drag my ass up and help her as much as I can?.that is true love, her doing what she can when she feels tired and me still worrying about her and trying to help her even when I feel dead?.love is not just about the good times, it about having your best friend there in the worst of times.  When I read this, my heart breaks for all the times I should?ve thanked him.  Sometimes I chastise myself for how patient I have become with people especially when I feel I go way above and beyond and that isn?t returned.  But then I remember that text Todd sent and I helps me be a better person today.  Don?t wait to thank the people in your life!

 

Now when I read this post it actually gives me some

Clarity on a guy I have been seeing and who is a friend but doesn't care about me the same way I do him. I have just been in denial until I read my own post. I deserve someone who felt about me the way my DH did and I should accept no less. Guess a day of crying did give me clarity!

[Guest sunshinedaydreamz]

If you question that you care about this other person more than he cares for you, you have perhaps answered part of the question. Perhaps backing off is an option, sometimes feelings for another person grow, other times it's like banging ones head on a wall.