TMPPGH

Is it bad that I am 1 year and 9 months out and all this is still true for me??? Uuggghhh

I agree this is my 2nd holiday season and it's unbearable to me! I use to love the holidays now I hate them! For me I have 6 months of torture. My birthdays in October, thanksgiving in Nov, Christmas, December, New Years January, Todd birthday and Valentine's Day, and then the anniversary of his passing is in March. I just want to hibernate for these months!

Thanks to all who have posted. I know I would get sound advice from this group. The story about the bench is awesome! I will think of that as well. I try to live in the now it's just hard when the fear creeps in.

I know I don't post much but many of you give great advice. I lost my husband 1 year and almost 9 months. I am still trying to wrap my head around it all. He passed from cancer and not suddenly and have me very specific instructions of wanting me to move on with my life. I feel blessed I do have that. There is a guy I have talked to for about a year now. He knew my husband as an acquaintance. How I met him is more complicated. It's a best friend thing. We've gotten over all that mess. We get along very well. He has issues from a previous relations and is guarded and so am I. This weekend he finally pressed me on what I wanted. I confuse him cause for me when I'm upset I push away the people I care about. We made a headway and talked about being together. I was afraid when this happened that I would get scared and want to head for The hills and of course that's what I want. I am so afraid of having to go thru losing someone I care the world about and I find it easier to block that out. I know it's unhealthy but I just can't get out of my mind that if I finally find happiness that it will be taken away as well. For those that are dating and all now how do you get over those feelings? He is a great guy and we talked about this and he has tried to reassure me he isn't going anywhere. In my head I just keep thinking you never know that!!

Hugs!!! So sorry you have to be part of this group, but happy you will have the support!

Hugs!!! So sorry you have to be part of this group, but happy you will have the support!

Dan it's nice your employer is being so flexible with you! I wish I could say as time goes on you get your focus back. I am actually a year and eight months out and I still struggle. If I can help at all please don't hesitate to reach out. I don't post much, but this board helps me tremendously!

So sorry keeping you and your pup in my prayers!

This was a post I put up on fb today some of these thoughts come from a blog I read called cocktails and chemo. Her husband died from colon cancer like mine. As always this is long. My morning today started off better than the days I have been having. Then reality has a way of sneaking up on me. I came into work with a plan. Get through emails and feel like I?ve actually accomplished something today. Well a counterpart of mine that I work very close with name is Todd. In going through emails and seeing emails addressed to ?Todd and Tracy? it made me realize how there isn?t a ?Todd and Tracy? except for memories. Then I started to think back to my normal life and I am going to write this for all those who are married or in a relationship. When you were married as long as Todd and I you realize things about relationships. One thing I realized was all I wanted to be was noticed, to feel like what I did mattered and to be appreciated. I really think this is a goal most humans want in life. All too often we let resentment creep into our relationships. It can be something as little as being asked to do something like take out the garbage, what we tend to think ?.can?t you see all that I have already done? When I think of the ways Todd showed me that he knew all I was doing, I feel bad that I no longer have the opportunity to thank him. I miss Todd?s neat freak ways. One day we got into a disagreement about me leaving a water bottle on the end table overnight. Now I would do anything to have such a trivial argument. I came across a text that Todd actually sent a friend about ?true love? and it showed me how much he really did see what I was doing. ?Think about what I am going thru now, last night (actually the last few nights) Tracy hasn?t slept much, does she get tired and has a rough time helping me with certain things?yes?even with how I feel, I still drag my ass up and help her as much as I can?.that is true love, her doing what she can when she feels tired and me still worrying about her and trying to help her even when I feel dead?.love is not just about the good times, it about having your best friend there in the worst of times. When I read this, my heart breaks for all the times I should?ve thanked him. Sometimes I chastise myself for how patient I have become with people especially when I feel I go way above and beyond and that isn?t returned. But then I remember that text Todd sent and I helps me be a better person today. Don?t wait to thank the people in your life! Now when I read this post it actually gives me some Clarity on a guy I have been seeing and who is a friend but doesn't care about me the same way I do him. I have just been in denial until I read my own post. I deserve someone who felt about me the way my DH did and I should accept no less. Guess a day of crying did give me clarity!

Hugs to you! Good Luck with the pup! I know mine has helped me through a lot and I don't want to think about that decision! Sending prayers and positive energy!

Congrats!!! Thatnis so awesome!

I read this today and this is exactly how I feel. Glad you are feeling better and hugs to you. Hope I can feel ok later today. I Close behind you as your sadiversery is January and mine is March!

I wish it was that easy! Me back again! I had a good run of about 3 weeks feeling semi normal. Then it came crashing down again! I just want to disappear. I am now back to barely getting up.. Going to bed at 8pm... And just barely getting through the day in between my bed. I am on depression and anti anxiety medicine so at least I'm not suicidal at This point. I don't know how to get out of this funk. I don't want to hang out with the people I normally love to. I just want to Crawl in a hole and not have to deal With anything. I don't know how to get feeling or joy or life back period. I'm in an downward spiral and I don't know how to catch myself. The help this board provides me is a godsend! Thanks for listening! Hugs to all those going through the same tough times!