Flashbacks

[widowat33]

I have been having a very hard time going to sleep lately.

When the house is quiet and I'm laying in bed, tossing and turning there are so many memories going through my head.

I am right back to that night, the night the police pulled in my driveway to tell me he had been in an accident and had died. I am back to that night when we had to wake up my boys to tell them daddy wouldn't be coming home ever again. My heart races, my stomach fills with dread. Although I never seen his truck after, I did read the police report that the insurance company "kindly" mailed to me, describing the scene. My imagination plays out that scene in my head.

There have been so many fatal car accidents this summer on highways that are fairly close to my area, and each time I hear of them my heart breaks for the families. I know the tragedy and pain of getting the news, news that changes your life forever.

Do these flashbacks ever go away? Or at least lessen in intensity?

It's even painful for me to write about that night.

[Jess]

I am so glad you posted this. I had been sleeping pretty good until about a month ago. I am back to multiple wake ups every night and nocturnal wandering around the house. I too have been having flashbacks of that night. For example, I had forgotten as I was laying in bed to go to sleep and DH was downstairs that the tv was volume was blaring. I was trying to decide whether to go downstairs to ask him to turn it down or if I would be lazy and just call him and ask him to turn it down. Then I heard him vomiting and ran downstairs. I keep fixating on the volume of the tv. Why was it so loud? Of all the things that do not matter and all the other things about his death I don't have answers on, why am I suddenly so fixated on the tv volume? I have no idea, but I wake up thinking about it.

 

I can't give your perspective as to whether this will go away as I have the same question.

[kpgct]

"Do these flashbacks ever go away? Or at least lessen in intensity?"

 

Speaking as both a widow, and a trauma therapist, the best answer I can offer is: usually, but sometimes we might need a little help.

 

My suspicion, from both my own experience and the experiences that others have shared here, is that we process traumatic experiences episodically, and it's not always clear why the thoughts get triggered or reappear. I think it can be helpful to know what elicits the response, in the event that it's avoidable or can be minimized, but I'm not sure that we always know. Might it be because of news reports of similar incidents, or anniversary dates? Sure. Is there a lot we can do to avoid that? Not really.

 

Having good strategies to take care of ourselves when these periods occur - seeking more (or less) support from friends and family, napping more, finding (healthy) diversions and distractions, or setting aside short blocks of time to explore and process our feelings can all be helpful. Sometimes just having someone who knows that you're struggling can really help. (I had a friend who was on speed dial, day or night, and while I never needed to call, it was great to know that I could.)

 

However, if it persists without seeming to improve, or gets worse, or you feel like it impacts your ability to take care of yourself or others that depend on you, finding support is a good idea. I had a therapist who was very kind, and I only saw him when I really felt like I needed some extra help. There are lots of good, simple therapeutic interventions out there, that if you feel the need, can really help.

[Jen]

I think I'm more or less past the flashbacks-- knock wood-- but insomnia and I are old friends. :-\  Friends isn't the right word-- I hate it, I hate being awake at night, when there's nothing to do but think. The days are long enough, but on nights when I can't sleep, every single minute feels like an eternity. I envy people who can just lie down and fall asleep. My brain is usually like a hamster on crack and refuses to get off the stupid wheel.

[Guest TooSoon]

Regarding sleep, I was taking the standard 3 milligrams of melatonin and it was keeping up even more.  A friend who knows about these things suggested 3 MICROgrams.  A much lower dose and it works wonders for me.  Might be worth a try.  I ordered them online. 

[Jen]

I may look into that. I used melatonin for awhile-- the 3 mg tabs, I'm pretty sure-- and at first they seemed to help, but it wasn't long before they just seemed to make it worse. I've used benadryl occasionally too, but that makes me feel hungover.. mostly I just lie there and stare at the ceiling. :-\

[Guest TooSoon]

It is worth a try.  I sleep really soundly and do not wake up feeling groggy and rouse easily if I'm needed by the small person with whom I co-habitate. 

[Virgo]

I think about his last 24 hours quite a bit still but not as often as before.  It was his first bad day and it was truly awful to witness.  ((Hugs))

[widowat33]

I was reading about melatonin before, as I'm worried if I ask for sleeping meds I won't wake up if I need to, like if the kids need me through the night. Reassuring to know that with melatonin you can be woken up easily..

Night time is definitely worse for me. I think I keep myself busy throughout the day, busy enough that it's not on my mind all the time. I also got the news through the night, so I think there might be an association there. I try to stay conscious of the fact that it's happened, it's in the past, and try to ground myself in the present, but sometimes I'm not that successful at doing that.

I have also been a night owl all of my life, it's just lately lack of sleep has been catching up with me. I am still able to function, take care of myself, my kids, the house, etc..but I feel zapped of energy most of the time.

I start back to school soon, I am hoping with getting into a better schedule it will improve. If it doesn't I might take the advice of seeing a therapist who can help me work through this.

 

Thanks for the advice, input, just for listening

[twistedmensa]

Sleep? I've heard about it, but have never actually experienced it.  Grrrrr.