Completely Surrounded by Her Belongings

[Guest sunshinedaydreamz]

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[SimiRed]

What did I do with all my late husband's stuff?  At first, nothing.  I left pictures up, his clothes in the closet, his watch on his dresser.  This was a part of my life and a part of who I was (and mostly, still am).

 

I tried the "changing for someone else", it didn't work.  They couldn't accept my past. They knew I was living happily ever after before. I loved Rick. We were going to spend the rest of our lives together, eventually sit on our rockers on the front porch, muttering about our grandchildren or just what is going on these days. Then he died.

 

I am now in a new home, I don't have pictures of Rick up everywhere, I did place a few here and there, and I do still have some special things that were important to me.  I have some of his special shirts, his letters that were written to me a long time ago, a box of memorabilia that is called "Rick's special things".  After he died, I had our wedding rings remade into a custom ring I can wear on my right hand, so I will always have that little piece of who I was before to carry with me as I learn who I am now. 

 

If my friends and family can't handle the bits and pieces of Rick that I have around, or if anyone new ever comes into my life and doesn't like it, then they aren't meant to be a part of who I am.  I'm no longer going to "worry sick" over what others might think. 

 

Everyone will have an opinion as to what to do with your spouses things.  Especially those who just don't "get it".  It's what is the right choice for you, the only person whose opinion matters is your own.  This is a personal choice that you will make for yourself, and those friends that stick around will honor whatever personal choice you make. 

[Guest nonesuch]

I didn't do a lot right away. My Mother brilliantly took a bunch of his clothes and made a rag quilt and a pillow sham. 

 

I still have not dealt with a lot of the  stuff.  I was going to send all his things back to various members of his family, and this week (five years out!) i thought, Screw that!  There is one vase that ought to stay in his family, and I'll send that to his brother.  The rest of the stuff was his and is MINE.  I can pitch it or sell it - but I certainly don't have to spend a fortune sending it to his relatives. 

 

Sadly, I'm sort of conflicted about what to do regarding his estranged daughter.  I'd like her to have something of his, but frankly, she's concerned with money only, and goes through it like water. 

[keeptrying]

After my husband died, I went through the items I found lying around where he worked. I took all the love letters I wrote, cards, cards he wrote to me and I lit them on fire out side because they were too painful to even be around. I am not sure if I am going to regret that or not. His clothing that was not in good shape I couldn't possibly just throw in the garbage. I couldn't bring myself to do it, it was like throwing him away. The clothes would still be there, his clothes, somewhere, but not with me. Somewhere else with someone else's junk and garbage. I took all those out (except the ones he worse a lot) and burnt them outside of our house. We just built a house so I didn't have anything on the walls yet, there was only one large photo collage, which I still have in my living room, on the floor, in the corner, turned around. I can't bear to look at him every day. The pain of what I lost is just incredible. I still have his clothes, here and there. I wear some of his clothes, a lot actually. The memories of him, every second of the day I think of him. I am lost without him. I have no idea how I will feel about the rest of the stuff next year..