Sigh...I'm old and so tired before my time....

[MrsT85]

On Sunday I will have officially been in my 30s one one month.  I was born in smack dab in the middle of the 80s, in late August of 1985.  I find myself nodding along whenever I read through one of those "You know you are a child of the 90s if...." lists.  Yep - I remember playing with Skip-Its.  Polly Pockets.  Watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoon in my footie pajamas with all of my stuffed animals. 

 

But I also find myself nodding along just as enthusiastically when I read articles aimed at people 20+ years my senior.  Articles like "Demoted To Lunch: The Underbelly Of Grief" and "The 5 Negative Thoughts You Need To Banish Forever" ("I am not good enough" and "I am not strong enough" and "I am not brave enough" in particular) - both of which are in the "Post 50" section of Huffington Post.  I almost never realize that these articles are in that section when I click through from the headline on the main page - they just happen to be topics that interest or speak to me.  It puts such a small and cynical smile on my face when I think of the phrase that I still feels best describes me most of the time - "exhausted sad diabetic widow" - and imagine other people picturing some sickly and frail hunched over old lady. 

 

Nope.  It's me.  And at just 30 years old - 27 when I lost him.  I'm just so worn out and tired of this being my reality.

 

Thanks (as always) for listening to me whine.  I can't really do it anywhere else. 

[canadiangirl]

Just wanted to send my virtual support and to say I hear you.  I am a decade older, but I feel like I am in my 60s or 70s.  In energy level, outlook, wellness... all of these things, I AM decades older.  Just wish I was retired to go along with the feeling 60ish so I could rest a bit and properly mourn my husband.  ((MrsTim85))

[SimiRed]

{{Hugs}}  Yes, completely understand the feeling older than we are. 

 

 

[donswife]

yes I feel the same , like I have aged ten fold

hugs your way

[Jen]

Hugs. I'll be 41 on Wed, and a lot of the time I feel like I'm 80. (On the other hand, lately, I sometimes feel like I'm 16... wtf??) This wid thing sure messes with your concept of time, sigh... I always think of Douglas Adams: "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." Except maybe change "lunchtime" to "wid time... "

 

((((more hugs))))

[biscuit]

I definitely understand this.

I'm only 26, and definitely feel like I'm in my 60s even though my life should just be starting.

But honestly, age is just a number.  I mean I've had to do and live through things that some people in their 50s haven't even had to tackle...so yea I dont realy consider myself 26 anymore.

[hachi]

I definitely felt this way in the first 18 months to 2 years. One day I looked in the mirror and was utterly shocked at how old and tired I looked. I think it was my eyes. I had a defeated, worn look.

 

Somewhere, I found the motivation to get a facial, a haircut and a massage. That was the beginning of the self-care that I needed so desperately. I tried to stop beating myself up about it and take baby steps. Today, I am just an old soul. The body does recover, eventually, if you let it. But I am not sure you can rush it.

[twistedmensa]

My eldest child's father died when I was 31, so I feel some solidarity with you. I felt old at a very young age. I'm 47 now and am approaching 18 months of "official" widowhood. If I felt old before, I feel absolutely ancient now. My face has aged drastically and I barely recognize the reflection in the mirror. I bounced back before and I'm hoping if I'm patient, I'll bounce back again. Though I've found I'm not nearly as elastic at 47 as I was at 31...lol.

[robunknown]

There is an unfortunate wisdom we were given that most don't have until they are much older. I try to see it as a gift, something that keeps my head into living each day and appreciating life.  There is that emotional toll we have to pay for it though which sucks.