Message to the New Widows/Widowers

[lcoxwell]

For those of you, who are new to the site and haven't had the opportunity to get to know me, I am quickly approaching the two year anniversary of my Kenneth's death. Under normal circumstances, I try to make it a point to go through and personally greet each new person whenever I log on. It meant so much to me, when other widows and widowers reached out to me in my early days, and I know how much those connections can mean in the first few months of grieving. Today, though, I am having a really hard day, and I just can't bring myself to read through your stories. It is just too painful, tonight. Some time in the near future, I will return and greet you properly, I promise.

 

In the meantime, I wanted to share this with you. One thing I have learned in this process is that there was a time, when I thought I would never find hope or happiness or the will to get out of bed, ever again. But I did. I thought I would never stop crying. But I did. I never thought I would ever be able to carry on without my Kenneth. But I did.

 

I won't lie to you, or sugar coat it. There is nothing about this that is easy. In the next few weeks and months, you will feel a thousand different emotions, and you should know that everything you are feeling is perfectly normal. You should also know that however you choose to deal with this storm that has fallen upon your head is perfectly okay. As long as you are not a danger to yourself or others, there truly is no right or wrong way to navigate your way through being a widow/widower.

 

There will be days when you will feel that your whole world has completely fallen apart, when you will wonder how it is humanly possible to shed that many tears or bear that much sorrow, when you will wish that you were the one that died; however, you will learn to live again. It may not be the life that you had planned or wanted, but you will find a way to carry on. There will never be a day, in which you do not think about your love, but those thoughts won't always hurt so intensely and may even bring comfort or joy in the future.

 

Though everyone is different, and this may not be true for all, many of us that are farther out eventually reach a point, where there are more good days, than bad. Personally, I have a pretty good life, now. I have reasons to smile, and I have found peace, once again.

 

Don't get me wrong. I will always love and miss my Kenneth. And, I still have days like today. Days in which I miss him so intensely, I can barely breathe. But, at nearly two years out, I have learned that it is okay to have those bad days. It is normal. And when they come, it is okay to turn on those sad songs that remind me of him, to pull out the photo album, to bring out the tissues, and to have myself a good old crying spell.

[Erin]

I know you posted this a while ago, but I am just reading it and want you to know how much your words mean to me. I am having a difficult time (almost 6 months out) and I appreciate the hope you convey in your post. Thank you