Article in Newsweek May 2013

[AndysWife]

I found this Article nearly 2 years ago that I found very helpful when trying to understand how a person reaches the point of no return. Maybe others will glean something from it also. "Joiner's Theory" stood out to me also.

 

http://www.newsweek.com/2013/05/22/why-suicide-has-become-epidemic-and-what-we-can-do-help-237434.html

[AndysWife]

Warning - it is not short.

[Guest sphoc]

That article came out just a few weeks after my DH died. I read it over and over and over, and I even reached out to the gentleman. That article kept me sane in the early days, when I kept questioning everything and finding out more of the things that DH had lied to me about and hidden from me.

[Bluebird]

Thanks for the article. I had not seen it before. Yes it's long, but well written and very intersting.

 

I can relate to the three factors that, if present, might lead to a higher risk of suicide. My DH had two of the three factors but admitted to me that he was afraid to take the action needed to end his life. He perceived himself a coward so instead, he drank himself to death.

 

One thing I missed from the article is an exploration of mental illness as an underlying factor.

 

Take care, Bluebird

[AndysWife]

I think he was speaking to those of us who were not dealing with a history of mental illness or chronic depression or addiction. An awful lot of people have very poor coping skills when faced with adversity. My DH was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease 2 weeks prior to his death and panicked - at least that is what we all think in the family. He was definitely not himself but I doubt that anybody would be when given that news.

 

Like Sphoc, I found it very comforting to read when I discovered it back at that time. I'd read an awful lot of books about mental illness, depression, side effects of prescription medicine, adoption (hubby was adopted) - anything that might help me to understand the how of why he reached that point and they were not helping. DH made a snap decision so we had no warning. I think that is why some of us SOS have a harder time / longer time making peace with it all. If DH had a mental illness that I had been forced to navigate for many years, I might have had some preparedness for this being a possible eventuality.

 

At the end of the day, all of the SOS members have different situations and histories with their spouse and different articles, books, religion even will speak to us differently. I just wanted to share this because we can never have too many perspectives.

[Bluebird]

Makes sense @AndysWife - agree completely. I can see how this article would be helpful.

 

Thanks for sharing it. A lot of it spoke to me too.

[mixelated]

Thank you for sharing this. I can see my husband at the intersection of so many of these factors. When I think of how long he endured in the face of the challenges that finally brought him down, I feel proud of his strength and am amazed at his courage.

 

The overall article is disturbing. The pressures we are putting on ourselves are enormous and seem intractable.

[Sugarbell]

I think he was speaking to those of us who were not dealing with a history of mental illness or chronic depression or addiction. An awful lot of people have very poor coping skills when faced with adversity. My DH was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease 2 weeks prior to his death and panicked - at least that is what we all think in the family. He was definitely not himself but I doubt that anybody would be when given that news.

 

Like Sphoc, I found it very comforting to read when I discovered it back at that time. I'd read an awful lot of books about mental illness, depression, side effects of prescription medicine, adoption (hubby was adopted) - anything that might help me to understand the how of why he reached that point and they were not helping. DH made a snap decision so we had no warning. I think that is why some of us SOS have a harder time / longer time making peace with it all. If DH had a mental illness that I had been forced to navigate for many years, I might have had some preparedness for this being a possible eventuality.

 

At the end of the day, all of the SOS members have different situations and histories with their spouse and different articles, books, religion even will speak to us differently. I just wanted to share this because we can never have too many perspectives.

 

Yes! That was my situation as well. No long term mental illness....but very poor coping skills. Was in legal trouble from diverting pharmaceuticals-Had a audit investigation looking at him. He kills himself.

 

I made peace with his death...since then I no longer think much about "how" he died...But choose to remember how he lived.

[AndysWife]

It's a lot easier to feel sympathy for those with a mental illness. I was downright angry at Andy for the longest time after he died.

[Sugarbell]

Oh I was to the point of rage sometimes after his death....and I would repeatedly say "Bur he wasn't mentally ill...maybe situational depression due to circumstances but not long term mentally Ill"

 

So I can now see why those who cared for or had a long term mental illness it would be different (prior attempts, hospitalization , etc) Certaibky not easier by any means...but different. Bens suicide just shook me with disbelief...

 

 

[AndysWife]

Exactly.

[CBB]

Very good article . Thank you for sharing this.

 

Cyndi

[mixelated]

Long-term mental illness doesn't always look like that. My husband had been quietly dealing with his bipolar disorder for years, unknown to me, and those years were uneventful. He was never hospitalized and I was unaware of any prior attempts. If he hadn't told me about the bipolar a few months before he died, I might not have known. I would have assumed his depression was entirely related to his chronic pain and the situation it created. He did his best to keep the bipolar from us, and he did a very good job. Unfortunately. 

 

... he wasn't mentally ill...maybe situational depression due to circumstances but not long term mentally Ill"

 

So I can now see why those who cared for or had a long term mental illness it would be different (prior attempts, hospitalization , etc) Certaibky not easier by any means...but different. Bens suicide just shook me with disbelief...

[WifeLess]

AndysWife,

 

Thank you for posting this interesting article. I know it will bring comfort to a number of SOS who may be reading this.

 

And mixelated,

 

My wife, too, suffered from bipolar disorder. But in my case, I was well aware of the diagnosis for many years before her death. In fact, I often spoke with her psychiatrist, whom she saw almost monthly.

 

It is generally accepted that mental illness is associated with upwards of 90 percent of suicides (although the illness often goes unrecognized and undiagnosed). And of all the categories of psychiatric illness that have been studied, bipolar disorder has the highest suicide rate. Some sad statistics about its lethality that may be found on the web:

 

The lifetime suicide risk for someone with bipolar disorder is estimated at 10 to 20 percent, compared to 1 percent for the general population. Also, as many as 25 to 50 percent of those with bipolar disorder attempt suicide during their lifetime. And among those with bipolar disorder who do attempt suicide, the rate of "successful" completions is 1 in 3, which is 10 times higher than the rate for the general population.

 

It appears that your husband sadly contributed to these grim statistics, as did my deceased wife.

 

--- WifeLess