Making it to Work

[AubreeAnn]

I've read a few posts about going back to work and how hard it is for people and I hope this will give some insight to somebody. I've recently made it back to work about a month after I lost my love (I lost him this April on the 21st). Every morning I wake up late, lay in bed with such a heavy sensation in my chest and I don't want to go. But I wake up, I shower, sometimes I do my hair and I drive to work. It's hard. Everyday is so so hard but I do it. It gives me a chance to get out of the deepest darkest place I've ever been at due to loss and grief. I've found myself smiling a few times and laughing a few times too. Not a full gut belly laugh but I laugh. I listen to the Netflix series that I've been watching over and over the past two months to distract my mind from my own thoughts which in return, helps me focus on work. The one thing I realized (for myself) is that being at work is hard. But it gives me a small mental break. We are constantly thinking about everything involving our loss, it's good to give your mind a break. Believe me, I of course still think about it a lot at work but being there demands my focus on other things. The biggest thing I've noticed is that it being there gives me control. EVERYTHING in my life has been out of my control since I lost my love. My thoughts, feelings, emotions, and everything else that a human being can experience has been out of control. Being at work gives me control of something. It is somewhat a stabilizer in my life. I'm hoping this will give someone a small perspective of what going back to work can mean. Like I said, it's so so so hard and I know. But in the chaos that we are all living in, this is something that you can control when you feel like everything else is out of control.

[BrokenHeart2]

Thank you AA. I think you are bang on. I was and still am unemployed since DH died and it's been a horrid I 3 yrs and I'm actively looking to no luck. It is what it is but I'm sure eventually I'll find something.

Thanks for your post. It really needs to be heard,

Hugs to all