Knocked 1000 Steps Back

[AubreeAnn]

Since I've been back to work, it's been a distracting and has confused me emotionally. Being at work made me feel like I've gone back to my "old" me. It's very hard to explain but I feel like there are two of me. One at work and one at home. They are different and being the work "me" has fooled me into thinking I've been making it. The past few days I got a good knock down and I felt like I did in the first week. So much despair and pain. Dark thoughts and emotions. I'm not equipped to do this and I don't feel like I should have to. I have to testify at a trial against the monster that did this. I'm not strong enough for that, or the life without my love in general. I can't. I can't. I can't.

[Guest Lost35]

AubreeAnn,

 

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.  Sometimes, I think we find ourselves in the midst of something that is completely overwhelming,  and in trying to understand it, we are extra hard on ourselves.  Going back to work is an enormous undertaking.  It is a challenge in it's own right.  Finding your footing is something that takes all of your energy, and then there is the other part...  I don't know your story, I'm sorry, but court cases and lawyers and people at fault only magnify all of this 1000 x. 

 

I've learned that sometimes, it is necessary to go back to the beginning and simply focus on breathing and surviving.  Also, sometimes you really aren't strong enough to deal with circumstances, but they happen anyway and you get through it somehow.  Strength will come later, when you have time and space for it.  Right now, breathe, live moment to moment and be kind to yourself.

 

It's all you can do, but later, you will realize it is a great thing.

 

 

Take care,

 

-L.