Introduction

[MR]

I lost my wife of 20 years on Aug 30 2016 due to a medical injury. I was not prepared and never even thought of it. I have 2 kids 19 and 14.

I came to this forum to check what others are doing to move forward as I am in deep pain but can't show in front of kids as don't want to make them weak. All my family is at-least 16 hours of flight so only support i get is on phone. Found this forum really helpful as no I can meet people with similar situation and I can see that I am not insane when I am talking to her pics or crying while driving / parking lots. She was center of my universive and now feels empty and don't know what to do. I am only getting 4-5 hours of sleep and rest of the time I am tossing around in bed. I am trying to go to gym but getting exhausted in  20-25 min. Trying to eat healthly and keep a check on weight loss and BP.

I don't know why god puts us in this situation but must be a reason I hope.

Planning to start some meditation if that helps.

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for sharing and caring about others.

 

Tx

MR

[SemperFidelis]

I am deeply sorry for your loss..... 20 years is such a long time my friend.

 

And no, you are not insane for reacting how you do and feeling what you do.  And all the harder I think when your family is so far as yours is.

[Julester3]

It's okay for your kids to see your pain. I try not to cry too often but when I do I let them know why. They are interested in what triggers me off and it helps them understand how much I truly loved their father.

 

So sorry you had to join us here. I too often wonder why I was given this situation but I know it's the best outcome for the kids so they can grow, overcome the grief, and succeed. When I think if the roles were reversed, I can't fathom how my husband could pull through it. He was our foundation but I am the mortar that keeps the house together. I am not sure he could have accomplished half of what was asked of me because I was the crazy wife who did most everything for him and the kids. Though he is gone, he remains our foundation because I can keep us all together. Hope some of this perspective helps.

[MR]

Thanks SemperFidelis and Julester3 for kind words.

I feel same way as you Julester3 considering my wife was in pain for last few years and was involved in all tasks but me or kids were helping her. If I was gone it would have been more painful path for them considering she was not able to drive for more than 15 min due to pain. Hopefully good will give us strength to go thru the journey which we never choose.