Thanksgiving and the in-laws

[rooshy]

My MIL was supposed to join me and my two sons here at my house on Thursday but she changed her mind and will eat with my BIL and his wife on their farm - BIL's wife has a borderline personality disorder which she refuses to seek treatment. She's also extremely snarky and spoiled.  Why does this make me mad?  Let me explain.  My BIL has a farm about an hour away and there is no wifi.  My younger son is autistic and non-verbal and needs wifi to communicate.  If there's no wifi, he gets frustrated with not being to communicate and has a tantrum, which involves head butting, scratching, and hair pulling all directed at me.  I want to spend the holiday without a tantrum so we can't go to BIL's farm, and the in-laws know this.  Not to mention that he and his wife's marriage is in the toilet, so there's a lot of tension.  You can cut it with a knife when there.  Even my older son, who is typical, does not like being there.  MIL does not want to be there (has told me several times of her strong dislike for the wife) but she chooses to go there and 'support' BIL.  Now, they've been married for 15 years and the wife acted like this while they were dating, so BIL knew what he was getting into.  I understand that MIL wants to be there for BIL, but my boys are what's left of her younger son, and my in-laws tend to act like we died with DH. Thanks for reading my vent. 

 

Maybe this is the Lord's way of helping me move forward with my chapter 2?  With the exception of MIL, my in-laws can be quite toxic.

[Trying]

I can see why this is hurtful to you.  Logically coming to your house makes sense and your son is a child and his specific needs should be first.  Unfortunately I have seen with my own MIL that the mothering instinct to cater to the weakest (or self destructive or manipulative or whatever) offspring trumps everything else.  My own MIL years ago actually compared leaving her son (late 30's) with an active herpes outbreak at home on Thanksgiving to me leaving my toddler home alone if he had a stomach virus.  No logic, all emotion.  DH and I stopped trying to point out logic. 

 

I hope you find a way to make your holiday special for you and your kids.