Six months today...

[Karin_a]

It's been six months today since I lost my soulmate, my best friend, my love. He was my everything, he was my whole world, and now I don't know who I am anymore. I thought it would be better with time everyone around me keeps telling me that just give it time..... how much time? I'm broken beyond repair, I cry when I'm alone so no one can see, I try to smile and laugh so my friends and family wont worry.... But I feel so empty, everything is painful. When I have a good moment I see something or hear something that reminds me of him, and I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel so guilty because I want to feel good again I don't want to hurt this bad all the time, I feel guilty about still wanting to have a family of my own, to be loved again. But at the same time he is the only one I want..... but I cant have him back he is gone..... I miss him so much.

 

It was better for a while but then it got worse and I feel like I don't know what is right and what I should do... I go and see a therapist but I don't think it helps that much. I try to work but I get nothing done. Some days I don't even know how I will make it out of bed.

 

I'm still thinking about what it would have been like if he was still here with me or what we would have been doing. I know its not helping but I can't stop. He is missing everything.....

 

I just want him back, I want our life back, I want our hopes and dreams back. I just want to be happy again..... but I can't because he can't be happy, he can't be anything anymore.

 

Sorry for an incoherent post. Everything is just wrong.

 

[Julester3]

You sounds very normal to me. I experience a lot of the same things and feel the same way. I function well but it's really just to suppress what I really feel most of the time and so all the sadness doesn't consume me.

 

Hugs for you today. I'm at 9 months and it's not much easier still.

[MR]

Hi Karin_a

You are pretty normal. I am doing similar things like crying when alone or driving or shower time as no one can see you. The only thing which makes me work is my kids so if it something to do for them I have energy else I don't. Keep taking things as they are and hopefully things will get better.

 

Hugs

Manoj

[beth_krkswidow]

You sound exactly like me. I'm at 7 and a half months. When I just don't think I can take another minute, I tell myself he's worth the pain. If the love hadn't been so great, the pain wouldn't be so bad.

Hugs