beth_krkswidow Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 8 Months today. I can't believe it. I remember at my first Grief Group meeting, there was a guy whose wife had died a year earlier. I remember looking at him and thinking, "A YEAR?!" How the heck can you survive a YEAR? And now I am at 8 months. Survived 8 months. One more day, one more milestone, without him. My Honey, I miss you so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adley Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 That's right. Incredibly, unbelievably, you are surviving. Keep counting those milestones! I still count them, but the early ones were remarkable. Like getting to the top of the first mountain on a long journey. And you see more mountains, of course. But now you know its doable. I had to take breaks and look at the overwhelming view. Its scary, but you have made it this far. Way to go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted January 25, 2017 Author Share Posted January 25, 2017 Thank you Adley. I went to visit his grave today. But today I also visited the grave of the fiancé of a girl I met in Grief Group. He died on Christmas Day. So today is her 1 month. I remember one month so very well. Again, Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kp2004 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 My 8-month mark was the day after yours. I felt the same way. I can't believe it's been 8 months without the love of my life. It hurts so much everyday, but as you said you're surviving. Hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 The amazing thing is you are surviving. Hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted February 14, 2017 Author Share Posted February 14, 2017 Oh, kp, I'm so5sorry. Sorry we're on the same time line. Sorry we're all here. Here, on Valentine's Day. We never really did much in VD but still.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Reader Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 I am also at eight months about now. I have read that many of you said it gets worse at this time, but this much worse, really?! Today I had a total crazywoman episode while alone at the house. I managed to shake some ash out of the urn today while holding it against me as if it was him, actually put some of it in my mouth, cried and screamed and finally spread the ash out of the window. And cried some more. Like I have gone mad! I have to get the urn buried soon, I guess it is not helping to keep it here at home. I even took pictures of us together, me and the urn. What is this?! Month earlier I was ok, honestly, I had fun, I could think of him without falling apart, I could do anything. And now this. Eating ash??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 Not crazy. Widowed. We are in an altered state. Irrevocably and permanently. Sending you warm hugs. Don't know how we'll get through. But knowing others are eating ash, physically or metaphorically, somehow is ... better than not knowing that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Reader Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Thanks beth, I hope eating a bit of ash helps to get through this. At least I am carrying him with me now literally ;D Like Jackie O, we can be graceful examples publicly, if that's the meaning of this. And act out a little bit at home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MR Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 I am not 8 months out but keep happening to me. Especially I am ok whole day and suddenly reading one of the messages here brings back the memory and start crying so it is pretty normal for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 I just can't take this. I do not want to be here. I absolutely do not want to be here. I want My Honey back. I want to be with him and I can't take this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Reader Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Beth, I know. Me neither. Going crazy actually helped, I feel better today. Maybe just letting it out one way or the other helps. Being brave all the time doesn't. Everybody here says it will get better. I am just hopeful It won't get any worse, that would be nice. Hugs to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted February 18, 2017 Author Share Posted February 18, 2017 Thanks, Mrs. HUgs to you too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geminigirl Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 I'm almost at 9 months and sometimes I don't know how I'm still standing but somehow we all are. Maybe it's wrong but I'm actually relieved to know that I'm not the only one that does weird stuff. Here's my strange ashes story, I used to just take the bag out of the urn and look at them but about two months ago I felt the urge to open the bag and investigate. Why, I have no idea. I actually scooped some ashes and bones out with a spoon and put them on a paper plate and sifted through them like some kind of mad archeologist. I was sobbing like a lunatic touching all of these bone fragments and I just couldn't believe that these little bits and pieces were what was left of the man I love. Maybe it's weird but I needed to touch them. Anyway, I eventually put everything back in the bag except one tiny bone that I've been carrying around in my wallet since. I know it's crazy but it's my husband and I don't care. See you're ok Beth, I'm walking around with a piece of bone in my purse. We're all a little slightly crazy now. ((Hugs)) to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Reader Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 Geminigirl, I would have done exactly same thing if I could have opened the urn properly. All I managed to get out from a crack was some sandlike dust. I so much wanted to have contact with him again that touching his ashes felt necessary. I think there is something very primitive about it. If a relationship is very physical, why would't greaving. I would definately carry a bone in my wallet if I had one. Thanks for telling this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Reader Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Grieving, not greaving. Not native speaker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 We all have a brand of crazy. It's what keeps us sane (ha). My Honey is buried; so instead of walking around with a bone in my purse, I try to imagine what stage of decomp he is in whenever I go to the cemetery. Yes, really. I even thought about googling it, but then thought better of it. I figured the authorities might come swooping in and dig up my yard, looking for bodies in some stage of decomp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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