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No more calls or text from him


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It saddens me to my core that I will never receive another text or phone call from my husband...every morning that I got to work I would text him to let him know I made it safely and he would respond "okay...love you baby" that will never happen again

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The silence is deafening, isn't it? My husband and I were text fiends. He was a computer consultant and I do a lot of quality documentation on a computer so we always had a little window open in the corners of our computers and chatting on and off all through the day. The silence at first was deafening for me. Some girlfriends chat with me now through the day in a group chat and it helps me get through my day rather than make it drag along in silence.

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For me this awful silence was the worst thing about going back to work. The first time I spent a whole day at work without a single call or email from my wife was devastating. And even though I knew she was no longer around to call or write to me, I somehow felt that the calls and emails would come through anyway. When they didn't it felt like the universe was being overly scrupulous, almost pedantic, in observing the fact that she was dead. Sorry if that doesn't make any sense.

 

In January several people were run down and killed by a crazed driver a few blocks from where I work. I knew that if she had been alive my wife would have been on the phone to me within minutes. But no one called.

 

For many years around lunchtime I'd receive a long email from my wife. I've been reading through them in chronological order, and in the five months since her death I still haven't read them all. They're so much fun to read: my wife had an extremely dry sense of humour and a quirky, whimsical outlook on life that made her emails extremely entertaining. I find myself laughing out loud when I read them. I can hear her speaking to me, and I find that comforting.

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The silence is deafening, isn't it? My husband and I were text fiends. He was a computer consultant and I do a lot of quality documentation on a computer so we always had a little window open in the corners of our computers and chatting on and off all through the day. The silence at first was deafening for me. Some girlfriends chat with me now through the day in a group chat and it helps me get through my day rather than make it drag along in silence.

 

Ditto, ditto, ditto on the deafening silence, the constant stream of messaging with each other all day every day, and now the group chat with girlfriends.

 

We worked different schedules, and so the chatting was also the way we interacted during the work week. I miss it so much.

 

(I still open up the window and send him things from time to time.)

 

 

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I went through all his old texts and emails and I saved all his voice messages. I know that sounds like torture and on some level it is but I think it helped me process. I felt like I was searching for some kind of lost message or clue to something. So sorry. I feel your pain.

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