maddalena Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 In the first month after my DH's death, I had a lot of dreams in which he was alive. They often included me desperately trying to call him on the phone, in fact, I woke up dialing his cell number once. But now it's been almost 5 years. I'm still trying to find him. My subconscious has not accepted his death, even as I have celebrated my one year anniversary with my new husband. Last night, I had hired a private investigator to find him. Life is really good for me right now; aside from the fact that I know I'll never be a grandmother. I can't understand why I'm still searching for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 Hugs, friend. It has just been over a year since LH died but he had been sick for some time and I had already accepted subconsciously that he was on the decline. However, last night I had a horrible dream that he was alive but suffering. In it, he had an episode and I think he died painfully, which isn't how he actually went. They come and go, but mostly I have such dreams when I am stressed. Which I have been of late. Plus, my NG is moving to a new place and is quite busy so I haven't seen him in the last week or so and know seeing him this weekend will be brief. The brain is something, isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 Maddalena, I still have dreams about DH where he has been alive all of this time and he won't explain where he has been and why he let me think he was dead. He wants to just pick up where we left off and I feel awful because so much has changed and I'm engaged and fiancé is just patiently waiting to see if he needs to move out. Those dreams are always upsetting and I don't really know why I still have them either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted April 27, 2017 Author Share Posted April 27, 2017 Maddalena, I still have dreams about DH where he has been alive all of this time and he won't explain where he has been and why he let me think he was dead. He wants to just pick up where we left off and I feel awful because so much has changed and I'm engaged and fiancé is just patiently waiting to see if he needs to move out. Those dreams are always upsetting and I don't really know why I still have them either. YES! I wake up in the morning wondering how the heck I am going to explain myself to these two men (that I love so much) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted April 27, 2017 Author Share Posted April 27, 2017 Hugs, friend. It has just been over a year since LH died but he had been sick for some time and I had already accepted subconsciously that he was on the decline.. They come and go, but mostly I have such dreams when I am stressed. Which I have been of late. Plus, my NG is moving to a new place and is quite busy so I haven't seen him in the last week or so and know seeing him this weekend will be brief. The brain is something, isn't it? You might be on to something, maybe it is a reaction to stress! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forgottenwife Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 So glad you posted this, I can relate. Maddalena, thinking about the private investigator does sound like you are still looking for your LH. Interesting how a spouse truly becomes a part of us. I can see how your mind would be looking for someone that was such an intimate part of your life. I have dreams about my LH too. The ones that leave me feeling out of sorts for a bit are dreams where we are in our old house and I am trying to find a way to explain to him that I live with another man. He looks sad and wonders where all of his personal things are. It sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hachi Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 Hi Mimi, I can't remember if it was you or not that once said to me "oh you just ran into a little corner of your mind that didn't know he was gone yet" but for me that seemed like a perfect explanation when feelings or dreams emerge unexpectedly. Good to see you back here. The 5 year club.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted April 29, 2017 Author Share Posted April 29, 2017 I have dreams about my LH too. The ones that leave me feeling out of sorts for a bit are dreams where we are in our old house and I am trying to find a way to explain to him that I live with another man. He looks sad and wonders where all of his personal things are. It sucks. that really does suck. I hope my DH doesn't do that. I do have some of his stuff in a box or two, I couldn't get rid of all of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted April 29, 2017 Author Share Posted April 29, 2017 Hi Mimi, I can't remember if it was you or not that once said to me "oh you just ran into a little corner of your mind that didn't know he was gone yet" but for me that seemed like a perfect explanation when feelings or dreams emerge unexpectedly. Good to see you back here. The 5 year club.... Thanks, Hachi. It isn't quite 5 years, but it IS 5 years since I was losing him, he was quite sick by this time that year. I wonder how many more of my brain cells need to be informed... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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