Well intentioned triggers

[KrypticKat]

I've mentioned on these boards before that I have a friend who essentially ghosted me after my husband died. I've come to learn that some people can't handle these difficult situations and for the most part I let it go. I don't think I'll ever truly stop being hurt because she left me in my time of greatest need. Suddenly she started coming around in the last couple of months and she's talking to me as if she can just tag in and we can pick up where we left off. But I'm Different. The situation is different. And I don't think she truly understands that. The situation hasn't arisen where I can just tell her honestly how I feel and it may never come up. Sometimes it just doesn't feel worth it. But the one thing she does that's very difficult for me is she does trigger me. Honestly I believe this is well-intentioned usually her trying to talk to me about memories of the past. However it's usually through text and it feels very disconnected and it's usually out of the blue on significant calendar dates when I'm already feeling raw. Today for example. Today is my wedding anniversary and I haven't heard much from her lately but now she's texting me this morning telling me she's thinking of me and then reminding me of some of my memories of my wedding day. I know it's well-meaning. I can appreciate it but thinking about those memories is almost bringing me to tears and I'm trying to get through my work day. I honestly don't even know how to respond. Silence has been golden for the most part.

[MR]

Hi KrypticKat,

 

Sorry to hear what your friend is doing to you but we all have seen similar issues with friends may be due to simple reasons like they don't know how to handle it. You already know the best solution to your problem. Silence -- We don't have to respond right away take your time and reply next day.

 

Hugs

Manoj

[Julester3]

I agree. I treat situations like this with silence. I don't have anything to say honestly at that point and I'm certainly not going to thank the person for the unnecessary trigger. Just a thinking of you sentiment is adequate - no elaboration needed!

[soloact]

KK, is it possible to set a silent alert for her phone number? I did that a lot in the early days. I just did it again tonight as someone gave my cell number to some loon I don't want to deal with.

 

Sorry this is happening to you. Some people!

[Guaruj]

KK, is it possible to set a silent alert for her phone number? I did that a lot in the early days. I just did it again tonight as someone gave my cell number to some loon I don't want to deal with.

 

I also think this is a smart idea. Consider also prefixing her name with the letter "z" once or twice, so that it drops to the bottom of your contact list.

 

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