Where Should I Post?

[Becki1967]

Hello,

 

I'm new here.  My story qualifies me to post in multiple locations on this board so I'm sorry if I'm posting wrong.

 

My boyfriend of 13 years was found on Thanksgiving day by his daughters.  I've known him since I was 13 years old.  He was my first crush. 

 

He was an alcoholic and we owned a home together and raised his daughters and two of my nephews.  His alcoholism progressed and I just couldn't live like that anymore.  I left him in October.  After months of him binge drinking for 25 days of every month.  That is not an exaggeration.  I specifically said to him over and over that I didn't want to wake up one morning and find him dead on the couch.  Instead, His daughters found him dead on the couch.  He had drank a half a gallon of Quervo in one night and died of alcohol poisoning.  I wasn't talking to him because we had gotten into a fight a week before because he continued to call me while drunk. 

 

I don't know if I had been in shock since or just focusing on everything I had to get done.  Because of his death, I had to move back into the home that we both owned.  I started a new job and we had to get through the holidays.  I would cry every once in a while, but not really break down.  But, this past Sunday was his birthday.  Since that day, I've been going through all these emotions.  I broke down on Monday night...I mean really broke down and sobbed about him.  It's like my anger armor cracked.  Now, I'm calmer but still feel sadness, guilt, anger, and frustration. 

 

On top of that, I went from being his significant other for 13 years to being a "friend" legally.  His kids and ex wife are handling everything with his estate (except for my house) and I have no say.  I know for a fact that he would be horrified if his ex had anything at all to do with his estate.  His kids know that, too.  They have no desire for anything that he personally owned...mementos, etc.  I've begged them to come over and get some of his personal items...things that meant a lot to him but not a lot monetarily....they want nothing to do with it.  They asked "why would we want old stuff?".  It's sad. 

 

I'm so up and down on this roller coaster right now and don't know how to feel.

[beth_krkswidow]

So sorry for your loss.  You will be up and down for quite awhile.  Perfectly normal.

Everything is normal and nothing is abnormal.

Warm hugs

[Anni]

Hello,

 

Sorry you had to join this club, but you are welcome here since you are his widow. While Minh and I was not together long, we found our soulmates but were not married. I also had to watch his family take over and make the choices he would have wanted me to make or even those he wanted. He would also be upset that his ex is handling the estate, but that is because she is the mother of minor children. I have been luckier since she considers me the widow while the rest of family would never ever consider me family even if had married.

 

I have saved many things that I know the kids would want when they got older, but since I had to relocate to another state, could not save everything I wanted. Since he left nothing in writing, his ex and I have been working together to get the loose ends together. I offered and she welcomed since of her high powered job.

 

It has been almost 5 months and while I didn't believe it, life is getting back to a new normal. It will never be the old one. You just have to figure out how you can put the new normal together and it is your time table. Do what you have to do to keep yourself going. No road map that someone else used will work for you.

 

I was told when you see someone thru death, being legal doesn't really matter. If you feel like the widow, you are. You loved him and he loved you as much as his disease let him while he was in the throws of it. His choices caused your time together to be less. So did mine but it was more not following doctor's orders until he realized that if he had we would have had more time together but you can take back 10 years.

 

Love doesn't end when breath does and I have learned that. It has taken that love to get me this far, and I hope you will feel it also to help you

 

Anni