Widow for 3 years

[LadyJJ]

Hello everyone I lost my husband to suicide in 2016 his name was Emmanuel Irizarry he was 31 years old we have 3 children. He was the most beautiful amazing man/person he was funny and down to earth and loved us with all his mind, body,and soul. We met in high school I was completely in awe of him. It's been a very difficult time for me I've never felt so lost and broken I'm struggling emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. I've been diagnosed with Depression and Generalized anxiety disorder it's hard for me to get up and do normal every day things. I've lost myself I cry a lot it's heartbreaking I feel alone and afraid most of the time. I went to Walmart the other day and my anxiety was so bad I broke down crying in the cereal aisle and when I got home I burst into more tears and couldn't stop crying. I'm so exhausted and feel like a failure I am letting my children down they deserve better. They lost their father and lost part of me as well I just want to be whole again and take care of them the best way that I can but it's been a very debilitating road.

 

Thank you for listening and I'm sorry for everyone's loss

[Julester3]

Hugs to you. I’m sorry you are joining us here. It’s hard to keep it all together and moreso with your anxiety and depression to compound things and make life more challenging for you. I hope you have support around you or people to lean on. If you haven’t tried yet, have you considered family grief counseling? It could you help you as a family unit. Please read through and vent as you need. Sometimes it’s hard to talk to people but it’s easy to read our stories and feel a sense of kinship and understanding. 

[Love2fish]

Hello LadyJJ,

i am so sorry that you have to deal with all of that.  That is a lot to handle!

Depression and anxiety disorder alone can be debilitating.  My DW suffered under their weight for years.  I did my best to understand her pain but only those who have actually felt those pains can truly understand.   I did suffer myself from anxiety a few years after losing DW. Mine was caused by the sleeping pill Ambien. I was completely disabled for several weeks. My cure was easy, all I had to do was quit the Ambien. I wish it were that easy for you'. I think you may be stronger than you feel. 

Be well

[LadyJJ]

Thank you but I don't feel strong I feel weak and afraid like right now I'm totally on edge and trying hard to relax but I always fear the worse like something is going to happen to me and I hate that feeling 😢💔

[Love2fish]

I know, that feeling really sucks.  When I suffered from anxiety if an acorn hit the roof over me the sound scared me like it was canon fire. I stayed in the house for three days because I felt incapable of driving.  I could barely take care of myself.  I cannot imagine how anyone can push through that and take care of three kids.  That would be beyond my ability.