Long time, no 'talk to'

[arneal]

Dear Widda family:

 

It has been nearly forever since I came in here. I tried to visit last year I think, and the site was down, and then life intervened. So much has happened since last we chatted!

I spent a year working two jobs to pay down some major bills after Second Husband died. BF and I started living together in like 2018. I settled on just one job and realized I didn't want to live in that house anymore. I sold it last summer and we drove cross-country to come and live closer to the current job. The pandemic had caused him to shut down the business he'd started, so he was freewheeling anyway

We got married in December, in epic fashion: I called a mobile justice of the peace who met us at a restaurant just outside our community (it's hilly here and we didn't want to have her drive up to our house ... plus I thought we'd invite her to lunch after the nuptials). Turns out the restaurant was closed, so we sat in the car, she said the things, we said the things, and it was done. We drove to a Vietnamese restaurant and had lunch, came home, and I went back to work. My colleagues I think still don't believe that's what we did, but like I keep telling folks, this wasn't a first time at the rodeo for either one of us.

My mom's health is continuing to change and so it's nice being closer to her (just about 7 hours by car instead of a day by plane), such as that is. Another kind of grief all together ...

Anyway, I am sad and glad the site is still here. I have a couple of people in my life that I'm telling to come here. I am happy to see some of the gang getting hitched and such as well. 

Thank you for being here, even though none of us asked for it. You don't know how much you all mean to me ...

[trying2breathe]

Hello Fellow Widdas,

 

Greetings arneal, belated congrats on your marriage and the move and hope you are well!   

 

I'm ten years out and feeling good, so grateful for this site and glad that it's again available for others that find themselves here.    Sharing those early dark grief days were invaluable to my healing, there is nobody that understands like those that have walked this journey also.  

 

My six year relationship with my guy ended last year, we parted ways when I discovered his unhealthy reliance on alcohol.  Today he is in recovery and doing well, we continue to be friends but without a romantic connection.  I'm grateful that he's sober, and realized that it was important to take time to realign my emotions and get back to a healthy routine.   I'm currently not dating anybody, staying busy with activities and part-time work and not looking to meet anybody anytime soon.   

 

I think of my late husband, miss him and know that there will always be an empty seat at the table.  I move forward and feel like I'm doing well, there is space in my life and heart to find love again but I'm in no hurry!  

 

[arneal]

Hey, trying2 -- so good to 'see' you.

 

It's been a tough two years. My mom's health took a decline and when I tried to come back east from California to be with her and see what was going on, I had an anxiety attack at the airport. Haven't flown since. The thought of it gives me shudders. I am grateful we moved back east because it put me close enough to drive to her. About a month after the post I made above, she died. I truly struggled and thought I was on the mend (a bit -- being an only child with estranged family, the best word I can give to it, has it's own challenges) and then my 10 year old boy dog died on this past Monday. I am filled with guilt, did I miss something that I should have told the vet ... I'd just had both dogs there a couple weeks back for their annuals. I have bouts of tears about him, saddened to see how my 11 year old girl dog is trying to understand where he is. The cat too. The combination of grief is a lot. I have an appointment with my therapist next week -- because of my work and such we haven't spoken since before Christmas but after my mom's funeral. 

 

On the brighter side, I have been writing, reading, and successfully binge watched several programs I had on my list. I've pulled back on how much of myself I give to work and spend more time trying to mindfully use my time for things that bring me some joy. It will be a while it seems before I will be fully free and fully joyful, but I'm aiming toward it. NH and I celebrated our anniversary by going to get pho, not at the same place where we went after getting married but the one right across the street from it (which has better food). New days ahead, and prayerfully better ones for us all.