trying2breathe

His name was Jeff, it was nine years last week.

Thank you Lewis!! Good to be back!

Really love this, tybec. Rings so true to everything that I'm feeling at 7 years out.

Thanks for the info on what you both are doing. My brother lives close and we get along, so I'm putting him on my legal documents and I'm on his. I feel like it's easier this way. What I'm learning is to give NG HIPAA rights, in case something should happen to me. I want to share what NG's sister went through with her committed partner, in case it helps anybody here. I'm not an attorney, and maybe state laws differ in this situation. This happened in Florida - NG's sister lived with her SO for 7 years in a committed relationship but they did not marry. He got sick and was hospitalized, and sadly several months later passed away. She did not have any rights as his domestic partner to see him in the hospital, have decisions on his health care or participate in his end of life in any way. The family either did not recognize or maybe did not like her - regardless she was cut out of everything both from a medical perspective and financially. So sad - who knows what her SO's choice on this would have been, but I can only imagine that he probably would have wanted her by his side. I think it's good to have the conversation ahead of time and put legal affairs in order to protect ourselves.

lovelorne A pervasive sadness - that describes widowhood for me well. I'm generally content and work hard at living life and putting on a happy face but there is a sadness - that knowledge that love and plans for old age was taken away - that underlies it all. It affects my current relationship and what I imagine would be any future ones too. sigh ...

sudnly Good to hear from you, sounds like your plate has been full and I hear you on figuring out whether to continue on with somebody. No we don't forget our beloved and those anniversaries, although for me time has most definitely softened the grief. I'm updating personal legal affairs - will, medical directive, power of attorney ... and what's interesting is that I'm not putting NG into any of it other than giving him rights to visit me in the hospital. Has anybody else dealt with this kind of thing? He's feeling left out and that we're not in a relationship for the long haul. How do others in committed relationships set these kinds of things up? I feel that if I'm not married to him, why give him legal rights over medical and financial decisions? Hope everybody is doing alright - my community is getting a little less restrictive, we continue taking precautions and hope for the best.

CS I'm so sorry for your loss, The early days are so difficult, it can be hard to imagine that the darkness will lift but a little at at time it will. Eat when you can, drink water and take help if offered to you. I journaled every night in the early days and this helped me a lot. There are many here than can relate to what you're going through, sorry to see you here but I hope that you find some comfort with others that can relate.

If I were to marry again, I would most definitely have a pre-nup. LH and I didn't pre-nup but we were young, without kids and starting out on our professional careers. I now very well understand this ^ and wouldn't want to leave anything to chance. It isn't the most romantic thing to deal with when re-partnering, but it's life.

LH was diagnosed as ADD, so I can relate to the frustration of trying to get things done around the house. He'd start something and half finish it. lol I remember him never being able to hit the hamper with his dirty clothes. What I'd give to have him here and struggle with this now. NG is very hands on and gets things done that I don't even realize need doing. "Twitching for a project" - love that julester! NG is more concerned about the physical stuff rather than our emotional well being - I'm trying to come to terms with this and see if I can continue on with my meat & taters guy. If we're provisioned, house is tidy and laundry is done, all is good in his world. I need more ... Best with your new job, arneal - and hope that you're feeling okay and the new diet goes well.

SamNE Gosh I relate to your post, seven years out and I also don't remember acknowledging everything that was done for us after he died. Several of his colleagues came in from out of town for his service, and I'm pretty sure that I never acknowledged their kind presence there. I was in a free fall for a few years and was struggling to manage the basics, I will also reach out and send some long overdue thank yous. ❤️

It's encouraging to hear that covid numbers are going down right now, hope this continues. My mom is in her 80s and got her first dose a couple of weeks ago, it was relatively easy for her as she's in a retirement community and it is managed there. Others 65 and up have access to an on-line registration system which has not gone well, appointments are quickly taken and the system is not user friendly, and the elderly are having a particularly hard time with it. Several friends with elderly parents drove two hours several counties away to a sports arena to get their doses, inconvenient but seems to have worked for them. I'm in an area with a lot of seasonal residents and doses are going to them rather than those that live here year round. Am also hearing that non-residents are driving in to receive vaccines. I'm low on the list to receive, will patiently wait my turn and take precautions in the meantime.

Glad that you got in, Julester. I was getting the same message, maybe why it's so quiet here. Our new chapters may look entirely different than what we expect, an adjustment but not a bad thing I think. After getting back into dating, I naively thought that I would move from a two parent two kid household to a Brady Bunch kind of a situation. Why did I think that?! hahahaha Tired here too, really hoping 2021 brings some relief to what we're all dealing with. It's been a melancholy holiday, low key and quiet Christmas with my elderly mom here for part of the day, newly divorced brother, daughter and NG. Focused on food and being together, a good thing. Blending with NG's family was not an issue this year, his eldest daughter was here for a week and using Covid as an excuse (she arrived and said she had been recently exposed) I chose to not see her at all. It was so good to not have the drama and angst this holiday. NG and I recently had a rare evening out, I struck up a conversation with a friend of a friend. The friend asked about NG, how long married, etc. Told her we were together almost 4 years, not living together, no plans to marry but committed. She was surprised and interestingly said that this was the ideal situation. Seems that her 25 year marriage was not great and she would love to have what I do. Makes me go hmmm ... Best wishes for a blessed and Happy New Year.

His name was Jeff. I get teary eyed when I hear his name still.

Yup - another Christmas, seven years along and the holidays are again a melancholy time for me. What helps for me is to get outside and into nature, bike riding or taking the dog for a long walk and socializing - distanced - with other dog owners has helped a lot. Also love an occasional epsom salt bath before bedtime, soothes my nerves too. Trying to keep on keepin' on

tybec Thank you for this post, love the happiness hacks. Lately I've been leaning towards a glass of wine or three many nights - this is a reminder to do things differently. Wishing you also a season of gratitude, I hope to focus on what's right and good in life right now. ❤️