Then and Now...

[ATJ]

Then and Now -

 

Sometime after my husband had died I wrote the following:

 

--- Once there was a vibrant, green leaf. It was attached to a strong, beautiful tree. The leaf was happy and felt secure. It soaked up the sunshine and swayed in the gentle breeze. When the wind picked up and shook it, it tightly held onto the tree, and it felt safe. One day the tree got sick and his trunk weakened, but the leaf held on with all its might, happy to still be connected.

 

One day, without warning, a furious windstorm arrived. With a sudden and sharp blow it tore the leaf off the tree, and it landed hard on the ground. The leaf cried out in pain and despair and screamed to the wind:"You have fatally wounded me, I will surely die!"

 

The wind replied: "Some day you WILL die, but not yet - your destiny on this earth has not been fulfilled! - I am the Wind of Separation, but also the Wind of Destiny; you will not always lie there. I will pick you up and carry you to new heights and will show you new landscapes and beauty you have not seen. - Look around, there are many other leaves who have been separated from their tree. I have picked THEM up and carried them, and sometimes they even dance with me!"

 

The leaf exclaimed: "I DON'T WANT to see new scenery, I liked my view, and I'm too hurt and broken. Take me back to my tree! He is the only one who can make me feel better again; he nurtures me through his mere presence and gives me life. - What have I done wrong?? - WHY did you punish me so cruelly?"  - The wind replied: "You haven't done anything wrong, this is just part of life's natural cycle".

 

But the leaf remained inconsolable. For a long time it just lay on the ground, writhing in pain, shivering, and barely breathing. When the wind picked it up again with his mighty hands, it felt untethered and weightlessly drifted along, pushed by this powerful force. It was carried aloft, farther and farther away from the tree it so loved. It became frightened, despondent and confused and could not see any beauty surrounding it. All it could think of was the tree.

 

When the wind calmed down, it felt itself slowly dwindling to the ground. Bruised and tattered, it noticed that its appearance had drastically changed, and it cried out to the wind: "Look at what you've done to me, I'm not even the same leaf anymore, I am perishing!" The wind responded: "You will indeed Never be the same again, but you can observe and learn as we travel together and become a different leaf. You still have life in you. - You are not finished yet - trust me, and enjoy the ride!"

 

The leaf looked around and noticed that there was indeed some beauty and that there were other leaves traveling with it, and it drew brief comfort from it. But strangely, neither the beauty it saw nor the mysterious landscapes revealed, or the new travel companions it had found were able to stop its heart from bleeding. It just kept drifting and blowing, carried by the mighty, powerful gusts, while its soul ached, and it always longed for "The Tree!"  -

 

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Seen through the eyes of a long-time former caregiver and 'SOS'.

 

Years later I have discovered many new landscapes, seen beautiful vistas, made new life connections, and have indeed changed. I no longer resemble that former leaf, which often makes me quite sad. Yet, I try to look to the future seeking hope and new dreams, although often with much trepidation. Life's dynamic force is full of possibilities. I am grateful for much, although I still don't know where the Wind of Life will finally  take me. I've tried to steer my own course, but it has often led me in circles and down long, meandering paths. So, I'm waiting for the wind to pick me up once again and carry me to a brighter future.  But, no matter what lies ahead, I will always miss "The Tree!"

 

 

 

 

"The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging

to a particular mode of happiness,

but in allowing happiness to change its form

without being disappointed by the change.

Happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up!"

 

~~ Charles L. Morgan

 

 

ATJ 

- Still learning this lesson!

 

 

[BrokenHeart2]

Thank you for the perspective ATJ.

[WifeLess]

ATJ,

 

A beautiful and appropriate metaphor for what our journey frequently becomes in the aftermath of our loss. Accepting our powerlessness over the direction that the winds take us is not always easy. But in doing so, a measure of peace can often be found. So, although I claim no formal religion, during my early days I took inspiration from the words of the Serenity Prayer, as I kept reminding myself to accept the things I cannot change.

 

I wish for you and for all of us here the peace that comes from this acceptance.

 

--- WifeLess