How did you survive?? I thought of you all.

[Sugarbell]

I posted in Sp. circumstances about our AFSP Chaoter getting started in WV. I have been talking a lot with one of the state leaders who lost her brother to suicide 18 years ago. We are trying to get more suicide support groups throughout the state. Our state has very little in regards to suicide prevention/survivor resources. Our mental health facilities (and I worked at one) are really sub par. She was asking me "How did you survive those first years? How did you handle the stigma and isolation? What can we do to help survivors?"

 

And outside of family and church help I immediately thought of ywbb. I told her the first year I leaned on fellow SOS widows that I virtually met online. Just knowing that there were others-going thru this same journey and understood and welcomed me...that saved me"... I told her I leaned on widows of all kinds of circumstances because they understood loss. They understood even those the causes of death were different they understood this kind of loss.

 

I told her the virtual wids I met gave me strength. In my rural isolated part of the world I found strength from the wids. A few are still here...some aren't but I have been FB friends with them for half a decade.

 

My volunteer work isn't going to be so much widow related but suicide/support/survivor related. But the board was an absolute lifesaver. Thank you.

[SoVerySad]

Sugarbell, I wasn't here when your husband died, I just wanted to let you know that you have clearly paid forward the support extended to you by those wids who supported you. I know I have personally benefitted from your posts as well. I'm so grateful this resource exists.

[ATJ]

 

Sugarbell,

 

Bless you for giving back after having suffered great tragedy and facing the challenges of being an only parent!

 

 

 

 

I wish You and your little family a very happy and fulfilled Life!

 

ATJ

 

 

[WifeLess]

Sugarbell,

 

Although I live in one of the most densely populated urban areas of the country, where counseling services of every variety are widely available, in my early days I nevertheless found the online support offered by YWBB far superior to any of them. This excerpt from one of my old posts may indicate why:

 

"I have now had exposure to 3 different bereavement group facilitators / social workers, none of whom have lost their spouse. And it shows. Although they try to be helpful, they have not experienced what we are going through, and often make the same mistake as many others in comparing our situation to their loss of parent or grandparent, etc. I can't blame them though. There is no way for one to learn what this feels like without going through it oneself."

 

And with regard to loss like mine, one due to mental illness and suicide, I think the situation is even worse. As I also once posted:

 

"I recall one evening in the bereavement group I was attending last year, I had to educate the young social worker who was substituting for the regular counselor. She knew little of major depressive illness and the range of available treatments for it. And of course, she had never before encountered an SOS (survivor of suicide). But I had sympathy because she was rather young and new to this. So I was patient with her."

 

And even at in-person support group meetings specifically for survivors of suicide, I felt like I didn't fit in. At most such meetings, SOS widow(er)s like myself are vastly outnumbered by parents and siblings grieving the death of an adolescent teen or young adult, whose life experiences, situations and reasons for suicide are often so different from those of our spouse, that it is very difficult to relate.

 

So, as I've posted before, the single greatest factor in my emotional survival and recovery in the aftermath of my wife's death 5+ years ago was the support I found at YWBB and the new set of friendships I formed there.

 

--- WifeLess