Guest Lost35 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 My little guy is in Kindergarten. He never met Dad. It's just been us. Tomorrow, the whole school is headed to a local beach for a day of playing and fun. This evening, I asked him what he wanted to wear and as he's running out the door he shouts back, over his shoulder, "My Africa clothes". I say, "Your Hawaiian shirt?" and he says, "Yes!". I saw this shirt in a store and had to buy it as it is almost a replica of the one packed away in the house that was Peter's most loved and most well-worn. I could just imagine the "mini-me" photo we would have had, had things been different... I asked if he wanted it ironed and he did (Dad was a pilot. Everything was ironed and polished). When it was done, he felt it and was very happy with a giant smile. My point is, I love my little guy and am in awe at how much he is like his Dad, despite never having met him. I constantly experience moments when the comparisons and similarities are bitter-sweet. So, my five-year-old is asleep, happy for his day tomorrow, and for his Hawaiian shirt and the fact that it is freshly ironed, and I am sitting here, happy for him, but sad that Peter cannot be here and sad that he never got to see this little man who is so like him. It is a constant mix of happy and sadness that is indescribable to anyone in my daily life. I would so love to have that photo of the two of them. They both have the same giant, matching, life-loving grin. It would have been one of my favourites... -L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Oh, (((L.))) - These moments must be so hard! You are giving your son all the love, encouragement and support he needs to reach his full potential while experiencing the joys of childhood. You teach him kindness and compassion and show him the wonder and adventures that life can hold. Yet, the One thing you wish you could give him most, you can't, and that must deeply hurt. But, you raise him with Peter's spirit, invisibly guiding you both, and you can see his father's life-loving smile in him. Bitter-sweet, indeed! May Peter be with his little guy in spirit as he frolics and explores the beach - Both wearing their Hawaiian shirts! Love, ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I'm sorry that he never got the chance to meet him too. My sons and I actually talk about the difference between them and my friends son, who lost his dad when he was a baby. On one hand they said at least if you are young when your dad dies you don't know what you are missing, but they also see the other side of it too. They are grateful that they have those memories of their dad, as painful as memories can be sometimes. It just sucks either way. It's amazing how much they can remind of us of them sometimes. My oldest looks exactly like him and is like him in some ways, quiet and kind. My youngest looks nothing like him but shares more of his personality, sarcastic and speaks his mind. It sounds like even without knowing his daddy your son inherited some of his traits, and yes that's bittersweet indeed. ((Hugs)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lost35 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 ATJ, Thank-you for the images. They are similar to what I see in my mind, when I think of photos we just won't ever have. My little guy is making a gift for Father's Day, with the rest of his class (he was given a choice of what to do and chose to make it). It is something to do with a bottle with sand and shells and a fish or something in it that is sealed and sent home. We will decide what to do with it. Keep it here or bury it at the bench are some options. Or we could let it float out to sea and around the world, hopefully. We talk about it easily, which is good. At least I had the years when he was too young to notice, to process the hardest parts and although it hurts to the core, I've had time to develop strategies to have these sorts of conversations in the way that we do. -L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lost35 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I got my first Father's Day gift today. It became a "Happy Summer, Mamma!" card instead, which is thoughtful of his teacher. He was happy to take part in the activity and made the decision to give it to me after thinking through his options. I love it. It's a pirate face made from a hand print and a bottle with a pirate treasure on it, sand and some special shells and rocks. The message in the bottle is: "I Love You". Most importantly, according to his teacher, he shared about his Dad at their Friday Gratitude Circle today. He said he was grateful for his Dad and went on to talk a bit about how he was a pilot and he died and He never got to meet him. I was surprised as he has always wanted to keep things to himself until today. According to his teacher, the other children were very sweet and said things like; "Now he is in heaven watching over you" and other things a small child might be told when a Grandparent or other relative passes away. His teacher said he looked around and seemed to be thinking about what was said, and the positive response and I am thinking and hoping that it helps him sort out just how he fits into the big scheme of things... We had a good day in other ways. At almost seven years out, we are starting to find our feet, bit by bit... -L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I am thinking and hoping that it helps him sort out just how he fits into the big scheme of things... "At almost seven years out, we are starting to find our feet, bit by bit..." "All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." ~~ Abraham Lincoln "Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible." ~~ Marion C. Garretty (((HUGS))) to You and your amazing little guy! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lost35 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Only you could put so much into a post, ATJ...it's beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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