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Everything posted by Julester3

  1. Julester3

    Graduations..... These kids keep growing up!

    Do you guys have a community college or tech school nearby to see if it’s something she’ll try for the time being?
  2. Julester3

    Graduations..... These kids keep growing up!

    Well the good news is you didn’t leave her there and you can help her find something else.
  3. A very quiet summer here. NG auditioned in the spring for a play and of course he got a part. Rehearsals started in in May and builds were over the weekend so our time together has been very slim this summer. I am happy for him. Acting was something he gave up for his family. The show just closed yesterday however the kids go back to school for the both of us so it’s busy this week. Fall is busy for me since I do music boosters and volunteer for band and my daughter also plays tennis which is a fall sport. I just keep on going and insert him in when I can. Nothing new in planning ahead for us. The issue is our kids. We want our kids to finish where they are. I’ve got 3 years left but he’s got 5-8 years for his kids to finish high school. Neither of our homes can absorb all of us theoretically but it’s not like we discussed it. Oh well!
  4. Julester3

    Widowed and Dating

    It always seemed to come up on either the first or second date. I always got the wondering question why I was currently single. Some guys wanted to see if we’d have a commiserating commanlity like divorce , etc between our situations. I am pretty sure I put it in my dating profile but I don’t exactly remember where it was stated in the actual profile. I told my FIL and his wife quite soon after I started and they were supportive. The stories cracked them up. I haven’t told my MIL and her husband. We’re keeping our distance and I’m not sure how they take it.
  5. I’m sorry you are joining us. When I lost my husband, we were both 40. It’s been over 3 years for me. He died suddenly of a heart attack even though he didn’t have a history of heart issues.

     

    Read through and vent/post whenever you need to. You are on your own timeline and don’t let anyone criticize. Take care. Hugs! 

  6. I agree. It’s a truly nice gesture and he was being thoughtful. Let him finish, thank him, and patch it up next time. There are always other home improvements to work on.
  7. Julester3

    New Here 💕

    I use distraction. I have music or tv on and then I crochet, sew or scrapbook. I concentrate on what I’m doing so my mind doesn’t go that dark path. I literally distract myself every day. Work is just another form of distraction.
  8. Julester3

    New Here 💕

    I think many of us start to think we can do this alone but it’s a good place to have a sounding board, a reality check, and a safe environment to share thoughts or questions with those who are going through this as well. I found many people around me not moving at my pace anymore so it’s a comfort knowing this place is here. Take is easy and be kind to yourself.
  9. Julester3

    Will life suck forever (on the top of grief)?

    Ah! That is a big flag there. Time to move on. Look at this as something to learn from. I agree with SW. You can do this. Hugs!
  10. Julester3

    Will life suck forever (on the top of grief)?

    This is hard. He obviously needs to figure things out because he seems to be overthinking the relationship just as you pointed out. Unfortunately it’s not you, it’s him that has to do the work. It’s up to you though if you want to give him the chance or if you’d like to move on. I know there is a fine line between being patient and knowing when you don’t want to waste time because we know time is precious. Hugs as you ponder what the next move will be and sorry I couldn’t be more help.
  11. Julester3

    Why I'm Still Single

    This is where gut instinct needs to guide you. Unfortunately, it’s harder to read meaning through text, it is easier to spot red flags when you can see their face as they talk to you or even when you can hear their voice as they say it.
  12. Julester3

    Happy Fourth of July!

    That is gorgeous! Thanks for sharing and have a good evening with your friend! I always have a kid in the parade so we volunteer to help the band kids stay cool and hydrated. Then we stay home in AC for the rest of the day and rest our tired selves! We decide last minute if we want to do fireworks or not. We have pets who hate them and we live pretty close to the fireworks show so it’s quite loud from our house so sometimes we simply stay home to keep them calm.
  13. Julester3

    Let's Celebrate!!!

    I purchased my first major appliance last year by myself and it was the washing machine. It felt good to do the research and the purchase and then complain when the installation was sketchy. I had a great guy at Lowe’s give me options and I fixed the hoses myself. Last week I spent 3 hours at the DMV transferring both cars to me. Nearly everything is taken care of 3 years and 3 months after he died. Its great to hear some positive news.
  14. So sorry you are joining us here. I don’t know anything about military benefits either unfortunately. That is freaky about how you broke your leg! I hope you can take it easy and heal well. It sucks that his affairs are not in order. I experienced some of that but it’s to be expected when they never expected to pass away as young as they did.
  15. Julester3

    widowed 3rd may 2019

    You do what you need to. It’s not silly!
  16. I hate these things. Where the kids are concerned, they lose a parent to share these milestones with. We often talk about the difficult year of firsts but for children, they have all these upcoming future accomplishments that they feel their lost parent can never share their joy with them in those moments. My daughter cried at a marching band competition because she knew she did her absolute best job yet and her dad was not there to see it. It’s heartbreaking for me to see these things and we can’t do anything about it but comfort them as best as we can. Hugs to you!
  17. Absolutely @arneal! Life is what we make of it!
  18. Totally agree with Leadfeather on this. Why take on anything you don’t want to? I know I am capable of mowing but I don’t want to mow. There are no rules just what works for you and we are all different. I know I’m staying in my house until my youngest graduates and then I have to downsize. Our house is too expensive for up keep in the long term. It’s fine for now. Stick to your gut instinct here. It’s far better than outside advice people love to give!
  19. Tybec- You made much effort, you were flexible, and you were understanding. You did so much more and you can’t wait for him. You tried but his situation is just dragging out and kudos for recognizing that you found your limit. Relationships shouldn’t be as hard as his situation made it for you. Hugs and strength! Chalk it up as a learning experience. That’s what I do with almost everything I experience now and move on.
  20. Julester3

    Wedding anniversary

    Hugs Maureen!
  21. Julester3

    In ER with Fiancé.

    That is tough to be strong and sit in that hospital and not have an anxiety attack! Hugs!
  22. Julester3

    Moving on, Starting over... ??? Just thinking....

    You are not nuts. I think we all have harder times making giant future plans after having to be forced to regroup, bury our previous dreams with our partners, and salvaging what is still possible. I know I do! My youngest also has 3 more years of high school and I will wait until then because it is something I’m firm on. I have kicked around some scenarios but I can’t make that move until later. I can be patient. NG says he can be too but he has younger kids than mine.
  23. Julester3

    How to handle triggers?

    Bubu27 I sort of think you put yourself in an unresolvable loop. You say the only way to feel better is to have your husband back but that is impossible. He isn’t coming back. I’m over 3 years into this and I understand and accept my LH is never coming back. It will never be fair and it will always suck. My girls will have to live without their dad. I spent more than half my life with that man growing up with him and spending most of my adult life attached to him. I didn’t know how I was going to survive but I truly know he would never ask me to kill myself to be with him and he would want me to live my best life here on earth that I can manage. I do the best I am capable of and I choose to do just that. I’m sorry your journey is harsh but by setting yourself to always be unresolved with no possible solution is setting yourself up for failure.
  24. Julester3

    Will our 4 year old remember Daddy?

    My girls were older when their dad died but we have some ladies in our grief group who lost their husbands when their kids were very young. They will forget but all you can do is remind them, have photos of him, have the other kids share stories, and show any videos or clips of him you may have. It won’t be their actual memories but it can help them know his spirit as a person, his essence so to say. Our hearts break when we see little kids with lost parents at group. There was too little time to build lasting memories. Hugs!
  25. Julester3

    widowed 3rd may 2019

    Thank you for sharing your story. It takes great courage to relive the events so you can tell us what happened. I am sorry Maria’s body couldn’t keep up her spirit and her will. It’s only been about a month for you so it is a lot to process. Be kind to yourself, except help when offered, and remember grief is no race. You work at your own time and pace. Hugs for you today. Sorry you have to join us here.
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