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  1. KrypticKat

    Not really family

    It's more of a norm than it should be. Mine almost instantly cut me out. I still talk to the father's side but the divide gets bigger all the time. I used to joke in the early days you're only an in-law until your an outlaw. Weird part is I also have a crazy MIL and she still apperently calls out cat her grand kitty. I'm just glad she doesn't want visitation rights. Welcome to the shitty club of no kid wids. Extra serving of isolation. Hugs to you Kk
  2. Fuck Google Assistant for sending me reminder pictures from two years ago. The therapist at the at the hospital in the ICU had recommended taking pictures of our hands together in case I wanted to see them again. I thought I'd prevented Google from uploading them into my photo collection but low and behold it found them. Talk about taking a mental baseball bat the the brain. FUUUUUUUCK!
  3. KrypticKat

    Nobody gets it

    My perspective 2 years out is people feel so desperate to do something that they say stuff to try and fix the unfixable. That doesn't stop unfortunately. My sweet dad who I have gradually educated on my loss will still slip up when I have down days and tell me to focus on the positive. Well intentioned ignorance. I've had people look lost before and I reassured them there really is nothing they can say. It's just bullshit this happened. Which it is. Breathe for now. You're in early days and tolerance for crappy sayings is low. You will grow back your skin slowly but it will always be annoying. Hugs Kk
  4. KrypticKat

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Okay here is your laugh of the day folks. I've been seeing this guy and one of his summer jobs is washing windows. We text fairly often during the day. One day he was particularly busy working on a building and he needed to get back to it so he texted: Sorry Hun can't chat now. Going hard on widows. I was busy working so didn't reply right away so it was followed by: NOOOOOOES. I meant windows! OMG I am so sorry! I didn't get the message for another hour for which he was apparently dying the whole time afraid I wasn't messaging him out of anger. I burst out laughing when I saw it. Auto correct can be amazing sometimes. 😂
  5. KrypticKat

    First sex after a loss?

    As a woman in her early 30s I've found this really challenging. I have finally met someone I connect with and we are taking it slow. Well sorta. He's really hot and sometimes I swear I'm two people. We get a hot and heavy and it's great but I'm not ready to go all the way. Some days the next day is a high and somedays I'm an anxious sobby mess after that and feel my loyalty is divided. I wonder if I'll be ever ready to go through with it without imploding.
  6. KrypticKat

    New and unexpected

    Hello Jessm1, Let me start by saying I'm so sorry that you have to be here. What you went through is the most painful thing imaginable. And what you witnessed must have been truly traumatizing. What you are feeling is perfectly normal and unfortunately the way people are behaving around you is pretty standard. People that have never walked through what you've been through just won't get it. There's this mentality that we need to look on the bright side because nobody wants to stare pain right in the face but you don't get that option. My husband died in a horrible car accident and I think most people were just terrified when they saw me melting down afterwards because that's not the me they knew. Your friends and family might just be struggling to accept where you're at right now. But you are normal and you have every right to feel dysfunctional and like you're losing it. You are in an amount of pain the can't even be described and that doesn't come with a single tear staring off into the sunset like in the movies. Nobody has a Hollywood death. It comes with screaming on the floor and eating your weight and chocolate and then not eating for days. It comes with feeling like you have absolute clarity and then nothing making sense in a matter of seconds. And the isolation is brutal. But if you work at it over time you will find others that connect with you and will let you be who you need to be. Keep those people close and use this website. It will keep you going. Nothing you are experiencing is easy. Try to breathe and drink water. Do what you can handle and be gentle with yourself. Sending you a hug KK
  7. KrypticKat

    I can feel my heart again and it hurts

    Totally agree. But it's just wild not being able to even control the positive emotions yet. It's so raw and unrefined this feeling. I never thought the day would come I thought my teenage emotional/romantic years felt less confusing. 🙃
  8. Fuck the insurance company that is making me go get assessed by their own shrink because 1 year and 9 months is apparently long enough for psychotherapy coverage after watching your husband die in a hospital from a violent car accident. How about you reassess my foot up your ass?
  9. It was surprisingly easy at first to go on dates. Mainly because I didn't feel anything so there was no strings attached. I was trying to be normal and just get to know people again so dating didn't really bother me as much as make me laugh how ridiculous the whole process is. But recently I've met someone. I met him through one of my volunteer activities. He's a really nice, charming and funny guy. But he frightens me because I actually feel all of a sudden. He asked me out for a drink and I actually felt my heart race. Something it hadn't done in 2 years. And now I catch myself over analyzing and feeling things like joy and fear and discomfort I haven't felt in a long time. I don't necessarily think this is my next chapter but I'm a little Disturbed with how suddenly I Can Feel Again. It's almost like I had lost my sense of touch for years and then suddenly I've got it back and I don't know how to handle the sensation. Like puberty 2.0. Has anyone else experienced this?
  10. My husband died in a sudden car accident. From that moment it's as if I stepped through a wormhole and I've had to figure out how to live on a new planet. I struggled with challenges from psychotic in-laws, inappropriate advances from work colleagues related to my situation, Financial scares.... Things I'm sure a lot of you can relate to. All through it I've also had to deal with the grief and the anger and the tears and the anxiety. I've come a long way. I feel like I've done the majority of my grieving although moments do come back out of the blue. I find I need to spend more time on honoring and thinking about him instead of suffering in the pain now. But the one feeling I can't seem to shake is the anxiousness. That fear that something bad is inevitably going to happen again. Granted the worst has happened now. However the last couple years have felt like emotional whack-a-mole. Fighting with lawyers, insurance brokers and even those most close to me. I felt like things were finally settling maybe I would start to feel some peace. And then I got into a car accident. And seeing that metal crumple in front of me just brought it all back. I was never in the car with my husband but I'd seen the pictures. My car accident wasn't nearly as violent in fact physically I'm okay. But since it happened a few weeks ago I find myself panicking against my challenges instead of taking the bull by the horns. I feel like if my emotional state was Chutes and Ladders I've just hit a shoot and gone back down the board. It's terribly frustrating because I've dealt with a lot of crap the last couple years and I'm proud of how I've handled everything. I don't want to go backwards. But this minor fender-bender really feels like it has set me back. My confidence has dropped, I'm freaking out more often instead of just taking a deep breath and dealing with it. And I'm convinced people are looking at me like I'm crazy again. You know... Those looks people gave you the first few months like oh you poor broken thing. 😫
  11. KrypticKat

    Thank You

    I am officially 1 year and 7 months since it all happened. Since my world ended and I really did believe it was over for me. This site was recommended to me by chance by a friend. When things were at their darkest and I thought there was no way anyone could possibly understand what I had been through...this place and all of you were there for me. I have worked very hard over the past year and a half. I have gone to therapy, learned to be gentle with myself and learned it's okay to lean on others. I have taken steps back towards living and have deepened my appreciation for all I have and have had in my life. If I could go back in time and tell myself shortly after this tragedy occurred that I would be where I am now I don't think I could even have convinced myself of it. It's hard to fathom the strength you can muster when the world takes the feet out from under you. It still bugs me when people tell me I'm so strong for surviving this. But I am. It's that or get bitter and my husband taught me so much about appreciating life that it felt like an insult to his memory not to find a way to live again. I haven't needed to write on this site for a while now. I do sometimes still visit to see how others are doing. I wish all of you the inner strength you need to heal. And more than anything I just want to say thank you. Thank you for taking time during your own pain to recognize mine. Thank you for laughing at my rants and cheering me on when I took baby steps even though we have never even stood in the same room together. There are so many beautiful and remarkable people on here. If another person crosses my path that has experienced this cruel loss I know I can guide them to this safe and wonderful site. Thank you to the people who created it and keep it running. And thank you to everyone on here for making this a place of love, healing and support. XO Kryptic
  12. KrypticKat


    So I'm entering a new stage of my loss where I'm doing stuff for me and not just focusing on the death. I'm making new friends and developing hobbies...it's great! But I still haven't dealt with Facebook yet. According to Facebook I'm still married to my husband. I just recently switched it so only I can see it. I never posted much about what happened on there other than at the anniversary where I just expressed what I was feeling. It still has my married name but I'll be honest that in a lot of places I go by my maiden name again. I know that's a tough one for a lot of widows but I wasn't even married a year and barely got to work the name in. Hell half of my IDs still hadn't been turned over yet. I do still consider myself to have that last name though. But it's a bit of an identity crisis really for me. Because sometimes I feel like I'm lying to myself when I go by that name as if he's still here. Needless to say all the stuff I've ever posted on Facebook now feels very personal. And as I'm making these new connections and making new friends they want to friend me on Facebook. And I'm currently looking at a list of a few new friends I could add and I'm hesitating. I'm hesitating cuz I haven't necessarily told them what happened to me. And I don't necessarily want to tell them because I've learned that it's best to share that information with people I trust because people that don't know you can sometimes be unintentionally cruel. I do like these people and I want to be friends with them but I have this deep-seated paranoia that they're going to start flipping through my Facebook profile to figure out why I have two different names and it feels very invasive. Then again they might not even think twice about it. Facebook just complicated stuff.
  13. To all the new wids. I'm sorry you are here. I'm sorry this is your life now. I wish I could hug you as hard as I can. This sucks and it's not fair. I am 1.5 years out from my own shit storm. I have learned so much. I appreciate so much more. Despite this wisdom I would still trade it all for him. What I did appreciate through all of this is wids on here and around me that helped me through with their advice and support. So I'm hoping I can help too now. To the newly widowed. You will feel like you're going crazy And it will be completely normal. You are not insane. You are surviving insanity. You might feel really sad. You might feel really angry. You might feel both at the same time or you might not feel anything at all. And believe it or not you are completely normal. You will forget to do s*** that you normally do. Basic function will not be normal function for you for a while. And believe it or not you are completely normal. People are going to say stuff to you that makes you feel like you're doing things wrong. People are going to say things that make you feel like you're defective or not healing properly. But believe it or not you're completely normal. You might be one of the widows that chooses to drink kale smoothies and Jog everyday. You might be one of the Widow's that chooses to eat chocolate and binge on Netflix. But believe it or not you are completely normal. Your skin has been ripped off. You are vulnerable and unfortunately some people are going to take advantage of that. But what you need to understand is there is no right way to do this. And you've got to do whatever the hell you need to do to survive. And eventually your skin will grow back and you will learn what works for you. But you gotta put the time in. Whatever your time might be. You have got to put in the crazy. You got to put in the work. But if you give it time and you really try you can come out the other side. And you will still love the person that you were married to. They will be in your heart and you will cherish them. But they will rest in a different place and it is not something that can be truly explained until that place has been rested in yourself. But it's completely normal. And it will be your own individual place for them to rest. And then you will find your life. Whatever that may be but it will be different. It may not be the life you ask for but if you put in the work you can find a way. I know I'm posting in the area that's early days. And maybe you're not ready to hear this stuff. But I figure I heard a lot of stuff I wasn't ready to hear in the first 6 months and yet I know it helped me. So even if this message helps one person I'll be happy... but remember... You are normal. You are a beautiful hurting person that has lost a love and the consequence of that love is this pain. Take the time. Love yourself. And do what works for you. Kk
  14. KrypticKat

    You've got to try and find the humor in it

    Oh dear...I hope this won't become a trend. I get sea sick very easily. Lol.
  15. F*** the dipshitz at the bar that think they can just grope women and say awful things and they're just supposed to giggle and twirl their hair and be okay with it. And f*** my so called friends thatthink I should tolerate it and not take it so seriously or I'll never find someone else. Fuck that. If my late husband saw half the s*** these guys were pulling he'd knock their damn teeth out.

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