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  1. powbesh

    Widowed Jan 16, 2019.

    Thank you, Beanless, for sharing your own pain with me. For me, too, this is by far the worst blow life has dealt me. I am seeing a therapist, but she is not specifically a grief coach & has not experienced the loss of a spouse. Just making my way to her door was like walking through quagmire, & I spent most of the session keening and wailing, just like I do alone at home. And those triggers.......most of them come out of nowhere. You know, your own loss was only a month before mine, and so I imagine you are still in a pretty dark place much of the time.But I appreciate your words of hope and your advice about a grief coach. Am taking both to heart.
  2. Today was brutal, but tomorrow will be even worse. It's our anniversary. We were married 35 years ago, February 18th, 1984. Problem is, one of us is missing. I've been crying hard almost all day and am in a very dark place. How can life be so brutal?
  3. powbesh

    FEB. 14 - Came and went

    Thank you, tybec, for those words of hope. I am new to this. My husband died last month, & I am still shattered & feeling beyond repair. But when I read the words from you & others who have been where I am now, it encourages me to hang on and give it more time. Our 35th anniversary will be this Monday (Feb 18th) & I'm braced for the unbearable pain I know awaits me.
  4. powbesh

    A new WIDDA heading your way

    My personal loss is new & my emotions are raw. But the people on this site have meant the world to me. The comfort they've provided has been a tremendous help to me, a shattered person. I sought help on the internet and found it here and I hope, after my own pain has eased, I can be of help to others who have to try & make it through the quagmire of grief.
  5. powbesh

    A new WIDDA heading your way

    This board has helped me. My beloved husband died last month & my emotions are still very raw. I wish there were more posts, but the ones I've received have given me hope that things will get better no matter how god-awful they are now. I've gotten encouragement from those who were once as shattered as I am now and I hope there will come a time when I feel repaired enough to help others.
  6. powbesh

    Widowed Jan 16, 2019.

    Love2fish, how long has it been since your loss?
  7. powbesh

    Widowed Jan 16, 2019.

    Yesterday i dragged myself to the grocery store. It was like trying to wade through neck-deep water. My legs didn''t carry me.....I dragged them along! But I made it. And I came home and forced myself to eat a Stouffer's Mac & Cheese. Plug for Stouffer's completely unintended. It tasted as much like paper as anything else I've eaten. Am drinking wine, perhaps a bit too much, but am also drinking water & Boost. All of you on this site have been supportive & helpful & I hope to be able to help others assuming I survive this dark swamp of misery.
  8. What can I expect? He's been gone less than a month & I've already lost 7 pounds. Didn't weigh very much to begin with, and am now down to 100 lbs. Cannot force myself to eat. Zero appetite, all tastes like paper. Has anyone experienced this? Please tell me what, if anything, I can do to restore my appetite.
  9. LOVE. It’s a fun thing to have. It brings people together to laugh & dance. LOVE. It makes two people into one. So long as there’s love, there’s no longer a you or me. LOVE. It’s a very strong emotion in people. Sometimes we push it aside to let anger get thru, but LOVE. It returns as strong as ever. You say you’re sorry and beg forgiveness. LOVE. It always forgives. And it brings brutal, devastating pain when one who has it dies. LOVE. It kills.
  10. Very bad morning. Cannot stop wailing. Am going to call a therapist later and set up an appointment. How can something hurt this much? I just want to die. I want to be wherever my Love is.
  11. powbesh

    Widowed Jan 16, 2019.

    Yesterday two of my closest girlfriends came to visit. We watched a scary movie, and they stayed with me for 6 hours! We drank wine, ate candy, and I actually laughed a few times! This morning is a different story. Back to keening and wailing and wishing I were dead. Still in my pajamas, like you used to do. Am going to try & record my thoughts. That sounds like a suggestion that might actually ease my pain. After more than 5 years, you still hurt. It just never goes away, does it.
  12. powbesh

    Widowed Jan 16, 2019.

    Thank you, tybec. I will keep looking for help.
  13. powbesh

    Widowed Jan 16, 2019.

    The bereavement group was not what I hoped it would be. The people there were very kind, but almost all of them were grieving losses that occurred a long time ago, & only a few had lost their spouses. Most of them lost parents & there was even one who was grieving the loss of her financial status. This forum helps me way more than that group did. Am going to ask my GP to recommend a grief counselor. Meanwhile, thank you, Widda, for being there.
  14. Just another day. Am not crying as often, but when it comes, it is just as loud & painful as ever. Never know what will bring it on. Usually, it seems spontaneous. Oh man, this hurts. Why? Why does it hurt so freaking bad? Emotional pain is something I wish we humans didn't have. It can't be cured.
  15. powbesh

    Widows at Christmas dinner

    I'm 73 & my dear husband was 82 when he died 12 days ago. The pain makes me wish I weren't so human. But I am human, and I know the pain that we suffer when we lose our spouse, no matter what our age is. One of my FB friends, in response to my grief, told me he, too, was grieving because he just lost his dog. I gave him my sympathy. Grief is grief. It hurts worse than any physical pain I've ever had because physical pain can go away with a Tylenol, but NOTHING makes grief go away. Please know this, no matter if you are young, old, or in between......I feel your pain.

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