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Meganj, I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm so sorry it took me so long to see this post and reply. I was 32 weeks pregnant with my daughter when my husband was killed in an accident at work almost 10 months ago. I know just how you are feeling right now. It sucks and that about sums it up. I don?t get to this board as much as I?d like to these days. Life is pretty busy and chaotic with my now 8 month old daughter and her 3 year old brother, but if you ever want to talk, please message me. I hope you have at least been able to get some rest since the baby was born. The first months can be hard for any mother, never mind a newly widowed one. Take care of yourself.

there is a place in the heart that will never be filled a space and even during the best moments and the greatest times we will know it we will know it more than ever there is a place in the heart that will never be filled and we will wait and wait in that space. ― Charles Bukowski

We are all hanging in there. Life with a toddler and a newborn is definitely chaotic - I break a sweat before 9 am most days. I have a lot of help from family and friends so that makes things just a little easier. Just taking it one day at a time and trying not to think about the future too much as it's so damn sad and daunting to think about being a lone parent forever. Thanks for checking in on me I really appreciate it.

I will definitely be in Toronto the 8-9 visiting family so I'm still interested

I'm pretty new to this board but if you don't mind a newbie joining you I was already planning to be in Toronto the 8-9th.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I can?t tell you how much this board has helped me over the past nine weeks since my husband died. I had a beautiful baby girl last Monday. We are both home and getting settled along with my three-year-old son. It wasn?t easy, and I am exhausted, but it actually wasn?t as difficult as I imagined it would be. It definitely helps that I have a grief counselor who is a saint that visited me at the hospital and has visited me at home since the baby was born. There are moments when I think, ?I?ve got this, I can do this? and moments when I think just the opposite. I?m holding on to the former and taking this day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute.

I'm having a baby tomorrow. Alone. I won't technically be alone since of course family with be there with me, but the one person that should be there won't be. My husband has been gone for just over seven weeks and I still can't believe this is happening. How on earth am I going to do this? Give birth to our baby without him, raise two kids alone. This reality is just so far from what I could ever have imagined my life turning into. To say that I am terrified would be an understatement. I know I just have to breathe and do it. But this just sucks beyond words. I feel so bad for my daughter, because instead of looking forward to the day she is going to be born, I am just dreading it and thinking how wrong it is that her daddy won't be there, knowing that it will be such a sad day for me.

In my last post, I mentioned that people told me things might get worse, and I'm sorry to say they were right. I didn't think it was possible. But it's been four weeks and one day since my husband died and for the past two days, I think I have cried nearly every waking moment. It's a sadness so intense I can barely breath. I'm actually starting to think that my husband was the lucky one if that makes any sense. His pain is over. We 're the ones that have to endure what seems like a lifetime of suffering now. It's like my life died with him and this new life seems so dark and depressing and unfair. A friend emailed me today to tell me that she was out with some of our friends last night, and they just love me and think of me so much. How bad is it that I thought, "oh well that's just so sweet of you all. Getting back to your lives, going out and having fun, while my life is now worse than I ever could have imagined. But at least you're all thinking of me (sarcasm)". Anyway, thanks for listening.

Are you in Canada? I have LOTS of experience working with provincial politicians. If you think I can help you in any way please message me

Although I am five months behind you, I could have written much of this post myself. My husband also died in a workplace accident. He was fit (best shape of his life), beautiful, and healthy. And we were happy. Really happy. I actually remember saying to someone just a few months ago that I was the happiest I had ever been in my life and our relationship was great. And he too made me laugh every single day. Now he's gone and the pain is truly unbearable. I miss him so much it's physically painful. I don't know if it is at all helpful to you to know someone else is going through something similar, but it definitely helps me to know I'm not alone, so thank you for your post.

It's been 23 days since my husband died and honestly each one of them has felt like an eternity. It's like I'm just checking days off a calendar until I reach some magic number that need to pass before I 'feel better'. It's just so hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel right now, and some tell me that it's only going to get worse once my subconscious catches up with reality. Tell me they're wrong. I can't imagine how this could get harder.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I've been reading through different postings on this board everyday and it's definitely comforting to see from others experience that this constant pain and sadness I'm feeling might one day let up at least a little. For now, I'm taking it a minute at a time.

My husband was killed in an accident at work 13 days ago today. I have a three year old son and am 8 months pregnant with our second child, a girl. I got the call in the grocery store of all places, just an hour after I had left his office after having lunch with him. I ditched my cart, jumped in the car and just drove to him. The police wouldn?t let me see him. He was covered in a tarp. His funeral was a week ago today. Until now, I couldn?t have imagined that a human being could reach the level of despair and sadness I?m feeling almost every second of every day. And I?m afraid it?s only going to get worse. We were so happy - and I mean really happy. We were together 20 years, and married for 5. We had such a happy life ahead of us it seems. Now that's all been taken away. I?ve been completely surrounded by friends and family almost all day and night, every day since. I think they?re afraid to leave me alone. But eventually that?s what I?ll be and it?s so hard to accept. My only reprieve is sleep?apparently my subconscious has yet to catch up with reality, because my dreams are normal. I guess that?s all for now. I?m glad I found this board because it seems you all might be the only ones that can possibly understand what I?m going through ? and what I?m about to go through.