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RobFTC

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  • Date Widowed
    Nov. 7, 2010
  • Cause of death
    Ovarian cancer


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  1. Yes, Julester3 - I had a thought later about what kind of meltdown she would have if we had left already. She could have made some epic bad decisions. Take care, Rob T
  2. Well, well - my oldest twin keeps finding ways to surprise me. Both twins settled on Western Colorado University, about a 4.5 hour drive from here, and so we have been prepping them for some time. The packing to leave home was lit - they had never moved, so they had no idea what to do and too much happened at the last moment. But we launched Tuesday, to get them to move-in and orientation on Wednesday. We got them all moved in, and things seemed good. Then yesterday, as we were attending parent orientation and they were supposed to be off doing their stuff, I get a text from The Oldest. She was freaked out by all of the strangers and not feeling like she could actually be alone anywhere, and wanted to withdraw. We loop in a couple of orientation staff and her school mentor, and then meet her to talk. She's rock-solid about this not being a fit for her, and she needed to leave now. We could not talk her out of it or convince her to give it a week, and talking about our imminent move to a new house and how her "normal" is kind of gone didn't sway her, either. We couldn't even give her a ride home - we'd taken the rear seats out of the van for all the stuff. The younger twin was sad, but still excited to be there - I've never seen such different reactions to the same circumstances. Kathy was beyond awesome about all of this. So she got out of classes, arranged to leave her dorm, and we packed up her stuff again, put it in the van, figured out how she could get home on the bus (leaving at 6am!), and headed home. I expected to be sad about leaving kids at school but excited for their future - that's true for one, but I feel a sense of failure and fears for the future of the other one. She got on the bus this morning, and will be traveling about 12 hours to get home. We have some thoughts about what we're going to need to see her doing. When we got home, I joked that we should watch "Failure To Launch" some time, and Kathy joked, "with <the kid>"! Take care, Rob T
  3. Tybec - I am so sorry. I get it - I wondered if this would be the outcome for awhile. But it still sucks to pull the trigger on a decision like this. You gave it a more-than-fair try, so you needn't look back. I hope your path ahead is better. Take care, Rob T
  4. Congrats, RyanAmysMom - my late wife had a PhD in Biomedical Engineering, in her case it was drug delivery via degradable polymers (plastics that rot). I had considered that option back in my university days due to some work I knew about, figuring out how to control motors in prosthetic limbs, but wasn't sure I could handle the fabrication needed to play well in that space. Several interesting things there.
  5. Thanks for the thread! I probably should have started one. Here's that post in case anyone missed it and wondered. -- High school graduation was today. One twin walked, which was great to see - I worried about her. She was failing half her classes a month ago, after an antidepressant gap sent her into a bad spiral for a month. On the way in, her horticulture teacher said she was impressed by her in the latter part of the class. Her sister did not walk - because she hasn't quite passed everything, but still could, if she can turn in work in one last class in the next few days. Seniors are done, it's like they have been raptured, but school runs a bit longer for lower grades. She had an insane schedule this semester - eight classes, no lunch break, no spare period at school to work on stuff. And she didn't step up work at home, really. It's been a concern since February, when she was failing half of her classes. I'm riding herd on her solo because my wife is out of town for a funeral of her best friend during childhood (what a crappy choice!). I'm not proud, I've offered bribes/rewards when stuff get turned in. I ran into one of her teachers afterwards, and she again expressed love for her and said she knew she would develop well. I melt when teachers love my kids. -- And to add - she made it! We finally heard mid-week last week that she had passed the mysterious credit-recovery online class we'd wondered about, and she landed enough writing to get a 64% in the scariest class. She'd been at 5% in that class at one point, so this was a pretty epic recovery. I took her over to check out, and talked to a couple of teachers and a counselor, and it was SO good to celebrate with them! Now, we're trying to get them into regular schedules, to get going on college details, and to get started on the yard work we offered them as an alternative to getting real jobs. Still some conversations to be had! We'll do a college visit this weekend. Take care, Rob T
  6. RobFTC

    Sexy Widowed Saturday Night!

    Saturday night at home, catching up on a TV series I have been letting build up for months. I need another drink, but I'm not sure what I can add to a rye and coke that won't give me a headache. High school graduation was today. One twin walked, which was great to see - I worried about her. She was failing half her classes a month ago, after an antidepressant gap sent her into a bad spiral for a month. On the way in, her horticulture teacher said she was impressed by her in the latter part of the class. Her sister did not walk - because she hasn't quite passed everything, but still could, if she can turn in work in one last class in the next few days. Seniors are done, it's like they have been raptured, but school runs a bit longer for lower grades. She had an insane schedule this semester - eight classes, no lunch break, no spare period at school to work on stuff. And she didn't step up work at home, really. It's been a concern since February, when she was failing half of her classes. I'm riding herd on her solo because my wife is out of town for a funeral of her best friend during childhood (what a crappy choice!). I'm not proud, I've offered bribes/rewards when stuff get turned in. I ran into one of her teachers afterwards, and she again expressed love for her and said she knew she would develop well. I melt when teachers love my kids. I thought of their Mom more during the ceremony than I have in some time. It sucked to be doing it alone. Some grad parties tomorrow will help. Take care, Rob T
  7. RobFTC

    There are worse things than death

    I has looked over this thread until now. I am friends with this amazing woman on FB, and started seeing her posts about it; it took awhile for the magnitude of what had happened to sink in. I kinda wanted to let people here know, but thought I was not necessarily going to do it well or be known to very many people these days - thanks, Mike, you did it well. I see the faith, I see the cries of pain, and I can only imagine how it must be for them. Lots of prayers for all.
  8. RobFTC

    My very own Widow Island

    Happy belated 50th, Helen! Glad to hear good things from you! Three good things: 1. Family life (including my new wife) is great, even as we deal with the chaos of my 18-year-olds' upcoming graduation. 2. Spring is here, and I will be able to ride my bike again soon. 3. Music remains a source of meaning and fun in my life, and I am back on the radio on Sunday.
  9. Leadfeather, my new wife was married to a narcissist. I met her after she had done a whole lot of work, and so I met a self-confident, happy women and had no idea for the first while. She opened up to me about it, and I am grateful she found her way out of that marriage and rebuilt herself. There are still things that throw her back into some of those emotions. Her sister-in-law is in the early stages of divorcing and disconnecting from a narcissist, and it is difficult to watch him try to keep controlling her, and try to keep her isolated and dependent. I wish that this phenomenon was better-known in our culture; we are learning some things now.
  10. RobFTC

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Yes, you are reading it too literally, and it's not written really clearly. This is in the context of a middle phase, Phase 3, where a person could be really beaten up by a bad person. I think we get more resilient later on (I know I did). Rob T
  11. RobFTC

    New Relationships....Post a Pic

    Thanks, all - six months on Saturday, can't believe it. Lots is going well, but some kid challenges (both hers and mine) are what's showing me that she is a real keeper!
  12. RobFTC

    Teen daughter struggling

    HM, I feel you - my oldest twin has been tough for some time, but out 2019 has been a lot worse. She went too long without her antidepressant meds due to a perfect storm of mistakes and bad communications, and it's been weeks with regular days of missed school, periodic suicidal ideations, and her senior year is at risk. She's coming out of the dark tunnel as her meds kick in again after four weeks. Her sibling is happier, but is way behind in classwork as well. They have both applied for two colleges, which seems like a minor miracle at this point. All we can do is keep trying and to try new ideas as we think of them. Hugs, and I'm always up for swapping ideas and experiences on FB if that helps.
  13. RobFTC

    Sad Loss Of WifeLess

    Bluebird, I am so sorry for your loss of such a fine man. I had always hoped to meet him and you, as so many talked so well of you, and of course I knew of his amazing documents that captured what so many of us were only just figuring out about how we felt. Peace and strength to you.
  14. RobFTC

    New loss, old pain

    Trying, I am so sorry. I got an e-mail yesterday from a friend who's been close forever. We dated some across distance for awhile almost 30 years ago, and we've kept in contact as we both married and had kids. She's one of those friends where it's always easy to pick up where we left off, someone who always saw me clearly and liked me anyway :-) My new wife Kathy and I saw her and her husband at Christmas, as she was getting some stomach problems checked out. She has now been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It's so hard to not fear the worst, and to pray for a good outcome.
  15. Hi folks, I should chime in. I married my GF a bit over three months ago. She had never not been good to be with, whatever the situation, and getting together with her family last Christmas was so good I had a hard time not seeing her in my life. When she started asking what our future was, I felt all of the delaying tugs - wait another year and the kids would be (might be?) off to college, wait another three and I would maintain access to Michelle's social security benefits. But she was not at all inclined to "shack up", and that felt like it fit with who she was. I found my first marriage meant so much more than I had first expected that I wasn't sure that shacking up would work as I wanted it, either. And I also didn't feel like waiting for the calendar - I wanted to stop saying goodbye at the end of dates. If the financial thing mattered more, or if it felt like she was not coming from a genuine place regarding marriage, it would have felt different. I proposed near the end of June and we wed September 2, and I haven't looked back :-)

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    Nov. 7, 2010
  • Cause of death
    Ovarian cancer


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