nextchapter

Been meaning to post something for 3 weeks or so. Great! Getting ready to leave for the day will post real soon.

I agree with the comment, telling him no, forever no. But since he is family, maybe a little nicer, but comments to the same effect.

I think some misunderstood what I was saying. I basically ran her off because I would really wasn’t ready to be dating anybody at that time. I took some time away from dating to sort things out to make sure I was ready for a relationship. Before when I saw her I really just wasn’t ready. I was trying to fill the lonely void in my life. I was still resentful about my own situation, for that reason I would constantly find fault with her in my mind. The truth is anybody would be lucky to have her. My contacting her was Twofold one to let her know I was a jerk and then I had my own issues to sort out. None of that was her fault it was mine. Two, I was reaching out to see where she was relationship wise. I have been out with a couple different women since our relationship, just don’t see it going anywhere with them. She has great quality and great character, before it was just too early on my journey to appreciate her. We are going out sometime next week. Thanks for all the comments.

Going to reach out on Thursday. If it goes well will tell her we will talk after Christmas. The last thing I want to do is to cause her any discomfort. Worst case is she will know I was the problem, not her.

Trying to see if I am the only one that has done this. Early on (probably too early), met someone who I had a lot in common with. She was the first person I dated. It seemed like in my mind, I would find fault with little things she did. In my mind, I would make a big deal out of them. Now that I have healed a little more, in retrospect, I was the problem. I think I was over analyzing and looking for things to make the relationship fail. I honestly believe I drove her away by being distant at times and not including her in some of my plans. I know I was probably more of the reason our relationship ended than she was. I know I was I really did not give her a fair chance. I just was not really ready yet. Has anyone ever felt like this and more importantly have you ever opened up communications after a relationship has ended. Thought about reaching out to her, if nothing else comes of it at least she will know I was the problem and was not ready for a full-fledged relationship yet. Anyone ever face something like this? How did you handle it?

"Oh yes, have a life outside of the desire for that special someone - I've tried hard at this the past few years, mainly because for a long time there was no special someone. Now that I have somebody, I try hard to keep volunteer activities, hobbies and friends going that doesn't include him. Should we part, well - my stuff continues. Makes life interesting too, there's usually plenty to talk about." T2B, the above is so true. I do not post often, been meaning to interject this in other topics. Everyone should assess their situation with much internal self-reflection. Jot down 3 to 5 things that really make you happy and pursue those with all your passion. For me one of them was physical fitness (I realized I was always happier when I focused on fitness). I'm well into doing the things I did when I was younger now and have found by doing the things that I love, more people come into my life. All of this happens not because I am looking for someone but because I focus on what makes me happy. 2 of the 3 things focused on were not work related at all. Better fitness and more time in nature. As a result, I am most importantly less stressed and appreciate small things a lot more. Also I am told by people I look 20 years younger than I am, which I will definitely take. My thoughts, focus on yourself and what makes you happy, but not in a selfish way. By doing so you will be happier and the people around you will be happier. You will be surprised how much your outlook changes when you focus on just trying to help people around you each day. Your last line "makes life interesting and there is a lot to talk about." Pursue what makes you happy and volunteer on occasion (help people) and there will always be lots to talk about. The good that you do will come back to you 10-fold. Decide what makes you happy and pursue it. EVERYTHING WILL TAKE CARE OF ITSELF!!

That is tough for all involved, please remember your Mom and Dad also have no one to talk about it with. I doubt either one will discuss it with you, just be there for them. I know NG is from somewhere close by, not sure why you can not discuss it with him? That is what is great about this group any one can share concerns. Once everyone gets a little further out, hopefully this will disappear from everyone's radar. Wishing you Peace.

Agree with both statements above, but a little male perspective. you shouldn't latch on to somebody if they are the wrong person just because of the above statements. Slow down, and I think it is ok to have more than a few relationships so long as a bunch of different men are coming through the door 3 or 4 different ones in a year. Other wise several years from now you may find yourself stuck with the wrong person. Every body seems great when things are new.

I think everyone has a security blanket or blankets. It is just not an actual blanket. It might be kids, family or the community.

Just to let everyone know. We are still together, I have not told her about any of my feelings. I am trying to work on them. She has so many great qualities, she would be an asset to anyone's life. If they were in their right mind. Trust me I know it is (was) unfair to her, after all she can not do anything about her height or any of the other perceived faults. The problem is me not her. I try to look at things as they crop up, if not for the memories of my dear wife would any of these perceived faults be a problem. The answer is the wouldn't. I am lucky to have her in my life. I will continue to work on me. Thanks for all the different perspectives and thoughts.

Congratulations!!

I do care for her, that is why I asked the question. I think I phrased the headline wrong. Perhaps should have been "has anyone sabotaged their relationships". Going to try to edit original post to have that headline. I know I am being unfair to her, in the example I used her height, God knows she can't do anything about that. I think I nitpic (in my mind, not to her personally) at things about the differences, and so it begs the question am I sabotaging my own relationship. I appreciate all the insight, and trust me I know I am being unfair to her and she does not deserve that.

I found myself constantly comparing her to my DW. For instance she is not quite as slender, although very nice build. Any normal person or somebody in their right mind wouldn't have a problem with it. She is also about 4 inches taller, my DW was only 5'3". If she were not with me guys would be knocking down her door to be with her. They probably are if truth be known. She has so many great qualities, but I can not move past anything that I perceive as a negative. I can't believe thoughts like this are normal, but I am hoping they are. Has anyone went through anything like this.

This is my first post. I have been kind of just watching from the fringes. I am 2 years and 8 months out. I have had what I would call two relationships currently in an exclusive relationship. Probably too quick in both of them. My current GF is a very good person and if I were to look out her out side a relationship (in other words, I would say that is a great lady). It just seems every little thing she does irks me, things that are really insignificant, like she could just walk across the room and something about it may piss me off, or I may not like how she drives. I think I am subconsciously sabotaging the relationship and finding reasons it will not work. I know this is very unfair to her. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?