sojourner

Congratulations, Ronda, and best wishes for the future! When I married LH, we walked down the aisle together... it was just our own personal preference, and I preferred the symbolism of it. So, it's just another option. If you think you might hurt his feelings by not asking him, that's worth discussing with him. If it's simply a matter of deciding on your preferences, maybe try to really picture and visualize the various scenarios of proceeding down the aisle, and observe how you feel about them? All the best to you & your spouse-to-be!

This. Some of us who've been widowed have relatively straight-forward stories, some of us have losses complicated by life-crap that we were aware of beforehand, or that came up later after their death, and regardless, as individuals, we all experience our loss in ways as individually as the personalities with which we were created. We all handle our individual circumstances in our own ways, *as do those* who've never been married, who've divorced, had failed significant relationships, etc. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out; many, most??, in life don't, statistically, really. May or may not have anything to do primarily with the fact of one person having experienced the death of a spouse. There's no *one* experience, you know. We're just all individual human beings with our own makeup, whether single, divorced , widowed, etc. I don't accept just the fact of having been widowed that makes "the widowed" as a whole noncommittal. The other thing is, just saying, we only have your own view/perception as you present it of your relationship with an individual who was widowed... the ending of relationships can be, but most commonly are not, one-sided. Best wishes to you for the relationship you desire.

Rob, I'm so sorry... prayers, yes, you got 'em, for clarity and peace on wherever your road ahead ultimately leads. Peace to you and yours- Sojourner

Remembering all my fellow mothers here on Mother's Day- peace and love to all, and hopes for happiness, be it now or further down your road, depending on where any one of us are on our journeys. Today was quiet, which was suitable to me on a dark, cloudy day. Went to church, heard something from most of the "kids," went out for a nice hot bowl of pho (Vietnamese noodle soup), came home and watched "Mummy" movies 😉 ... started with the 1932 original, now on the 50's Abbot & Costello version. (Don't know if I'm up for even the '97 version- it looks good, but my gore tolerance is about a zero, so I don't know... I get nightmares at basically nothing. 😒) I feel like watching Mummy-movies is a new Mother's Day tradition for me, as an all-but empty nester!

Yeah, as sudnlysngl said, absolutely, whatever is an option from how you used to hang out would be so great!!! Treat him as your friend like you always have, alongside of keeping with his hospice care plan. End of life comfort care may involve various medications which need to be taken into consideration. For whatever it's worth, (or not), I never have said goodbye. I've said, " 'til next time," or "I'll see you soon." In our views of eternity, we've been good with that in my family, but that's my situation. Just say what you feel needs to be said between you guys, or whatever you feel is fitting for him/his family if they're present. Every situation is different, but I'm sure you'll be able to find the best path for your friend and yourself. At the end of the day, we just do what we can, knowing we can't change just how bad this hurts when all is said and done. And my sympathies to you and the rest of his loved ones.

Serpico, I'm so sorry that his passing is apparently fast approaching. Prayers for a quick and comfortable passing for your friend when his time comes. My LH and oldest sister both passed from cancers; I know what it's like to pray for loved ones to depart once it's extremely clear there'll be no earthly healing and you see them suffer. Prayers for peace and comfort for his family and friends.

Feeling it too; it was 4 years in May. In the meantime... My body seemed to just crash; 2 major and 2 minor surgeries to resolve joint problems. Sold my dream house/little acreage and moved into an overpriced smaller house in a stiffling city subdivision to be near close family (one of whom was terminally ill; since passed 7 mo's ago). Dealt with my own grief and depression along with that of my kids, alongside regular teen issues with kids that were maginified by everything we went through. Yadda yadda yadda... I'm finally getting back full mobility and fitness, kids' issues are resolving and settling down, planning another move (property taxes *doubled* in under three years; not kidding). I'm looking forward to moving. Wanting to develop more of a social life. But it's like I've worked so hard to get my family and myself to a more stable place in life that now I haven't got any energy left to get to a growth place in my life. Maybe it's just a phase, and I simply need a breather to process everything-from his illness and death all the way through to all the collateral losses to this point- before I'll be ready to shift from neutral into drive again. But for now, I feel completely unmotivated to actually do a darn thing. I definitely hear what you're saying about feeling stuck.

Sure thing, rooshy; I'm so sorry he's had to enter the ranks of the widowed, and for the rest of the family having lost their mother, grandma, etc.

I'm so very sorry, lcoxwell! Prayers for peace and comfort for you and your daughter on this anniversary of his tragic loss, and for the renewed grief for your husband this brings!

Eddienhp, what a blessing it had to have been to have her in your family's life! I'm sorry for your loss of such a wonderful person.

Finished a blazing hot day 3 of helping with a garage sale of my BIL's, along with my other sister and other of their friends & family, to disperse many of my late eldest sister's articles of living. Heart-wrenching yet fulfilling as well, as many people left very happy. Settling in on a (yet again) torrential rainy night following the heat of the day with an old classic black and white movie LH loved, which is also set on a stormy night. Feels fitting. (Key Largo, for any other classic movie buffs.) ... Dang it all... right now just lost movie streaming right after a big lightning cluster!! At least didn't lose all power, but now I'm bummed!! 😒 well, crap. Hooray! Streaming service back up! Maybe I can finish my movie!! 😃

Yes, just as Julester says, weddings are hard. I'm a touch over 4 years out now. I've actually attended several family weddings since (the first 6 weeks out, and barely made it through that), and wasn't blindsided out of the blue running across one. I hope for all joy possible for them and their brides/grooms and am happy for them, but still, it's sure tough being there, with my own memories of the hopes & dreams we had had, never thinking back then that it would end before we grew old together. Peace to you, Steph.

Wishing the best Father's Day possible to all our dads among us here! This is my family's fourth one since losing LH. No real plans for the day, other than I got a vase of flowers in his memory, as I typically do to mark special days of remembrance. Peace to all!

Just wanting to say thank you this Memorial Day (in the U.S.) to all our vets, active service members and also all others who work to protect the general public. Thank you for your service, and thanks to you and your families for all your sacrifices. Special remembrances for those here who have lost their spouses or other loved ones in the course of that service!

I'm so sorry things have gone this way, lmsmdm. Continuing to remember you all in prayer.