I still feel numb

[Kaycee]

It's been almost 10 months since my husband died and I still feel numb. Most days I try very hard not to think about it too much. It just doesn't seem real. Sometimes I feel like he never was here. I don't know if I'm still in shock or denial. I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like I'm just existing. There are times I wake up and I don't even feel like I know where I am. When he died I thought I would never stop crying and then I just went numb. Almost every person that said they would be here for me hasn't been. I've tried to talk about it to a close friend but they don't know what to say and I feel like I'm annoying them when I talk about it. I have two kids from a previous marriage that he helped raise and I know I have to be here for them and they are really the only reason I haven't given up. I wish I knew how to get out of this and be able to feel something. I don't know what to do and life has been very hard after his death. It seems like there is problem after problem. I know I'm rambling. I just don't know what to do with myself.

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, Kaycee,

 

I think many of us have felt as you do at some time in our grief process.  Some of what I glean from your post is that you really need to talk about this and you don't have anywhere to do that.

 

Perhaps you can find a grief counselor?  I'm not sure where I would have been without mine.  My second husband also died unexpectedly, leaving me quite stunned.  People here would talk about him, but I also needed a place where I could talk about all aspects of my loss.

 

I don't know where you are located, but most hospice organizations have grief counselors and grief support groups that you can access even if you did not use their end-of-life services for your family member.  Ask around.  Look for a younger widows/widowers support group.  You might be pleasantly surprised that you can find a home amongst others who have experienced loss like you have, too.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Trying]

Kaycee it all is really just plain hard. That first year I remember feeling like I was just going through the motions and holding on until the next crisis hit.  I can't really say when it all changed because it was gradual and there was a lot of "one step forward two steps back" along the way.  Now as I approach 4 years, my life bears very little resemblance to the one I had with DH.  I am at the point where I accept all the changes and compounded losses but there are scars that I think will always be there.

 

When you have those glimpses of joy or hope, however rare they may feel at this point, grab onto them.  If you find something that inspires you or sparks some passion allow yourself to feel it and go after it.  For me, change and new challenges helped me to regain some focus at a time when I felt completely stuck and disinterested in everything.  Also that thing we all hate to hear, time.  Things do get easier with the passage of time.  If only we could predict how much time.

 

Sending you hugs and understanding.  You can always talk openly  here.