4/9/18 I lost my heart

[KimberlyMarie88]

Hello, my name is Kimberly and I’m 29 (turning 30 in June). My soulmate died unexpectedly in a motorcycle crash. We just got back from a wonderful weekend in Asheville NC and had bought a brand new motorcycle on the way home. I had no idea he was riding his bike that Monday night and didn’t find out about his passing until 4:00 AM Tuesday. We dated in 2010 and have been together since 2015. We didn’t want to have children or get married. We wanted to travel north/South America. He bought this sprinter van and converted it to a tiny house for us to travel and live in. It’s almost complete and we had just used that shower he finally finished the three days before he passed away. We planned to take off work the beginning of next year and be together. My whole future feels like it’s no longer. I’ve never had suicide thoughts but of course it runs through your brain. I honestly don’t want to continue life without him but I’m not going to put my loved ones through what I’m going through. He was only 36 years old. He’s been in my whole adult life. I’m barely 100 pounds now since I can barely eat. I will be going into his house tomorrow since that Monday morning when I woke up in his arms. I just can’t bare this. I’m seeing a grief counselor to help me through this. I’m considering taking FMLA and not go back to work. I cry in this office building allllllll day and everyone just stares at me. I’m not seeing the light at the end of this. He took a picture of us three days before he passed and I’ll always cherish this moment.

[Julester3]

I am so sorry for your loss. You will find no one will understand how you are feeling better than us. You are still processing and in the raw stage of grief. If you feel you can't function at work well, it might be a good idea to step back and take a bit more time off. You need to take care of yourself and stay hydrated. Crying just taps it right out of you. You might not want to eat an actual meal but just find small easy things to snack on. Be gentle with yourself and take it easy. Grief takes a huge toll on us. A counselor is a good step for you. Hugs!

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, Kimberley.

 

I am so sorry to have to welcome you here. I read everything you wrote and I know your dreams are completely shattered. It sounds like you need some time to process your loss. It is really hard to concentrate at work when it is hard to function on a basic level. If you have the opportunity to use FMLA, that might be a good choice for you. When my second husband died unexpectedly- shattering my dreams for the future, I was in school. I’m glad it wasn’t full time, but I needed something to give me purpose, and school was that for me. Perhaps you can use FMLA for a break and a gradual return to work?

 

Take care of yourself. Drink water. Eat in small bites. A friend of mine used to leave me a small snack on my front porch of a few apple slices with a couple of crackers and pieces of cheese.

 

Come here often. Some people read endlessly here. Connect with others in a similar time frame or other circumstances that you identify with.

 

Hang in there.  Again - I am so sorry for your loss.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen