Some thoughts on my 13th year

[MikeR]

Today is 13 years. For the past 12, I took this day to have some quiet alone time and reflect on my life with Cathryn. I would visit the cemetery, some places that were special to us and just remember the good times. Smiles and tears, but in a healing way. This year it feels a bit different. I don't feel the need to keep apart from the world today. My daughter (17) wants to go to the cemetery with me and of course we will do that. I will pray for Cathryn as I often do. But beyond that, the day will be just another day (sort of).

 

As I woke this morning, I was thinking about Cathryn but also how life has changed. In the early years after she died, I created a new life on the old board (some of you remember that board). It was a life saver for me, but it was also my social life. Most of our friends faded away after Cathryn died. I think they were uncomfortable - I was a reminder that their spouse could die, too, but also our relationship changed from a couples relationship to a couple-single one. I got it, but I wasn't happy about it.

 

On the board I made new friends. We would have a nightly chat in the chat room and it got absolutely crazy at times. We laughed, cried and just let go with friends who understood. It was a completely new thing for me and I forgot the pain for a little while. Some I met in person. We had many 'bagos here in NJ and in Maryland, NYC, PA. One memorable one was when we took a Circle Line cruise around Manhattan. I invited everyone back to my house for a BBQ after. We had some out of towners show up - one from South Carolina and one from Alaska!

 

That has faded away now. Life has changed yet again. I have found new local friends - non-widdas. I have recoupled. Life is more typical now, not a widower-based one as it used to be. I'm happy, but I sometimes miss the board life. It was a lot of fun (at least at times - I don't miss the pain). The Widda friends have faded away. We haven't gotten together in a long while. I think I have to reach out to them and suggest a "reunion" this summer. I miss them, too.

 

So this is yet another strange leg in the grief journey. It took me by surprise. Thanks for reading.

 

Mike

[tybec]

Thank you for sharing.  I am glad to hear life is well.  I am just passed 7 yrs.  I am beginning to feel like my life was a dream, sometimes. And I was with DH since high school.  So odd that we can be so connected and then, time truly changes things.  I wonder about my son's version of his life.  He is going to be without his dad longer than with him next Jan.  I spent this last death anniversary with my NG.  I still had a cry, looked at pictures, and then spent it with my new beau in a new experience.  

 

Anyway, as you stated.  Another strange leg in the grief journey.