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Reality and regrets

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I'm going on 6 mths now since my husbands death and the reality of never ever seeing him again is taking it's toll on me. I can't accept it and I'm still so angry about it!  I'm trying to climb out of this big black hole and keep slipping back. I miss him so much! We were supposed to enjoy our retirement years together and grow old together.  He died way to young,  only 64. I don't know how to cope without him...the loneliness when I'm not with my children and grandchildren give me so much anxiety. My grief counseling helps and I thank God for it. I've made wonderful friends through zoom and we all can support each other. I just want to be held by him one last time...and it will never happen!  I wish I had done things differently when he was dying with his cancer.  It was so overwhelming taking care of him and it happened faster than we thought. So many regrets and guilt...IF ONLY I COULD TURN THE TIME BACK!


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Hi Mary. 

This resonated with me and felt I had to reply to you. My husband died 4 weeks ago with cancer aged 63. Our husband's were far too young to die and I too would love to be held by him, and cannot accept he has gone. Dreams of growing old together,  trips away ect all diminished.  I am pleased to hear grief counselling has helped, its something I'm considering.  Life just seems so unfair doesn't it.

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