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Reality and regrets


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I'm going on 6 mths now since my husbands death and the reality of never ever seeing him again is taking it's toll on me. I can't accept it and I'm still so angry about it!  I'm trying to climb out of this big black hole and keep slipping back. I miss him so much! We were supposed to enjoy our retirement years together and grow old together.  He died way to young,  only 64. I don't know how to cope without him...the loneliness when I'm not with my children and grandchildren give me so much anxiety. My grief counseling helps and I thank God for it. I've made wonderful friends through zoom and we all can support each other. I just want to be held by him one last time...and it will never happen!  I wish I had done things differently when he was dying with his cancer.  It was so overwhelming taking care of him and it happened faster than we thought. So many regrets and guilt...IF ONLY I COULD TURN THE TIME BACK!

Mary

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Mary. 

This resonated with me and felt I had to reply to you. My husband died 4 weeks ago with cancer aged 63. Our husband's were far too young to die and I too would love to be held by him, and cannot accept he has gone. Dreams of growing old together,  trips away ect all diminished.  I am pleased to hear grief counselling has helped, its something I'm considering.  Life just seems so unfair doesn't it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I remember the 6 month mark. It was a hard time as reality was hitting. It was not a dream you could wake up from and the reality of all the forced upon changes were in your face. And the anger of the unfairness of it all. I was probably the least PC with people who made statements I could not ignore or tolerate.  Everything hurt.  My husband was 45 when he died, our son 8.  The unfairness for our son left me raging. It is hard. I went to grief group around that time,  and it helped me.  Please take care and be gentle with yourself.

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